It's Summer, so of course I'm thinking about Summer Songs. You know, those special songs that everyone loves to hear non-stop all summer long. Songs like "Yeah", "Crazy in Love", and "Summertime". These are the songs that the nerds, the jocks, the sportos, the motorheads, the dweebies, and the dickheads all love equally. These are the songs that everyone can agree on. They can be played at your parents BBQ or at a skinhead rally, it doesn't make a difference. These summer songs unite us all, until fall.

When it comes to Summer Songs there is one Musical Artist that owns the Summer. His name is Will Smith. Think about it. From the classic "Summertime" to the current "Switch", Will Smith produces the summer hits nonstop. He's like a rapping summer Santa who comes once a year to release the gift of music and then he goes back to Hollywood to make another Academy Award winning movie. Hell, I watched MIB 2 just for the titular song…Which is the funniest song you'll ever hear, really, do yourself a favor, listen to the lyrics, they are awesome, it's like a cliff notes version of the film. I still contend that if the Legend of Bagger Vance had a Will Smith Song attached to it, it would have been huge hit! His songs are infectious.

But I have a problem; Will Smith intimidates me with his ultra rich lifestyle. We got get him back to singing songs like "Nightmare on My Street" and "Parents Just Don't Understand." Songs we can all relate too. Right now I imagine his songs only appeal to Millionaires.

Don't believe me let's examine some of his lyrics, shall we?

First up BIG WILLIE STYLE
(the most egregious offender take a look)

I'm in a five star casino shuttin' crap tables down (boom)
non bettin' willie watchers standin' around
strictly millionaire status you can feel the eyes lookin' at us
how bad they wanna be us
Charlie Mack got my back with his eyes on my stack
brothers don't know how to act when you drive a four-five black
people stop and stare havin' drinks at the bar
from civllians to stars they wanna know who we are
Lately you could find me
behind the door marked V.I.P.
eating grapes under the A.C.
big willie style is how we do it

Really, is that how you "do it"? Gotta say, can't really relate to this. Sometimes I can't pay my electric bill, how about a song about that? By the way, what is a four-five black? There is one part that I can relate too, I often eat grapes under the A.C. because grapes are cheap and I live in a studio apartment and my loft bed is under the A.C., but I'm guessing we aren't singing about the same thing. No? Right?

Next Up some Lyrics from Will's New Album "Lost & Found"

"I could stand on my wallet, probably kiss the sky"
(Don't I know it…actually I'm lying I have no idea. If I stood on my wallet, it would actually lower my height.)

"Big Will just got another 20 mill"
("Another 20 Mill" I freak out when I take out more than 20 Bucks from the ATM.)

"Shock by the film & the TV money, went from scenes with Uncle Phil
to scenes with Sonny, so hard to break free from a guaranteed 20"
(I hope he's not dissing on Sonny Bono here, I don't like hate rap! Anyway I digress, I get it, you make 20 million bucks. Once I did one of those scratch-off games and I thought I won a Mill. But Alas it was one of those prank ones that you buy in Spencers – Damn You Aunt Kathy!)

Gettin' Jiggy With It

Mad cause I got floor seats at the Lakers
See me on the fifty yard line with the Raiders
Met Ali he told me I'm the greatest

(Yes I'm mad, just because Ali said the same thing to me, obviously our special night meant nothing to him, athletes are all the same…But seriously, come on! Singing about your excellent sports seats, how much do you want to rub my nose in it, I get it. You are rich. What's next? Singing about how you diversify your tax return with property loans or how you use wet hundreds to wipe your ass? Actually I think Fat Boys recorded a song like that" )

Anyway, all I'm saying is leave your tax return at home on your next album. Let's see some more Fresh Prince and a little less Rich King. Also, would it be asking too much to have DJ Jazzy Jeff do a remix of "I'm the DJ and he's the Rapper," just for old time sake?

(By the way, I'm well aware this post would have been more topical in 1997, but screw it – the 90's are Back! Just wait until tomorrow when I examine the plot holes in I Know What You Did Last Summer and try to get the bottom of, "What's up with Rachel Leigh Cook?")

Paul Scheer can also be found hanging out in our movies section, starring in both Shutterbugs and Paul Scheer's The O.C. in 2 minutes.