One thing college humor gets praised for is its diverse writing staff. I mean just look at our writer's page, it's a never-ending list of faces from all over the world, each with his or her own unique blend of class and hilarity. Okay wait, don't really look at the writer's page, just take my word for it. Alright, fine, you got me, we're mostly a bunch of Jewish kids from the Northeast, and one or two hot chicks (Hey Lauren Holly wink). But just because we're all white kids with a college education doesn't mean we don't know the low down on the real world. Check it:
Politics: As your average 20 year old, I know what's important to today's youth: Trust Funds. We all have them, and we'd like to see them mature the way that they should. I'm sure we're all aware that there's a war going on somewhere in the world, over some kind of discrepancy" Well I, for one, don't want anything to jeopardize my Trust Fund, which is why I always vote in my money's best interest. My parents and grandparents worked very hard to earn that money, and they deserve to see me drive around in an awesome sports car before they die.
Sports: Now that it's fall, basketball season is in full swing, right? Okay, I'm not exactly familiar with sports like, "Football" or "Hockey" but I can tell you that my croquet set on the Vineyard has never seen so much action as it did this summer! Talk about your nail-biting matches! Even Champ, our Golden Retriever, got in on the excitement, barking and gallivanting across the yard. Aside from croquet, my favorite sport is probably sailing. When I'm on my father's boat, sipping wine coolers while our captain, Esteban, flies across the sea, I just know in my heart that this is The Only Sport for Me; which, coincidentally, is what we named the boat. I don't know about anyone else, but playing sports makes me feel like an average Joe. Only this average Joe would prefer to be called Joseph, I think it sounds better.
Jobs: I understand that those kids who aren't fortunate enough to go to college usually have to get jobs straight out of high school (unless you're a girl, they just have babies). Well I had a summer job this year, and man alive, was it tough! My dad's office barely gave me 25 dollars an hour and I had to share my office for like two weeks before they finally fired that woman who had been there for 9 years. Going to work everyday from 11:00 to 3:00 with only a two hour lunch break really made me appreciate the hard work real people have to do. Even though work was trying, I knew I was gaining valuable life experience, something you don't find at college.
Hopefully I've proved all you skeptics wrong by demonstrating that I'm in touch with current affairs, I'm down to earth and, clearly, I'm hard working. But just because I'm totally ready for the real world doesn't mean I want to get thrown into the mire quite yet. I'm enjoying college life and even though it's a major bitch not being able to have both my cars on campus and I hate not having someone to hand wash my delicate garments I definitely want to stick around for at least another 6 or 7 years. Hey, I think I hear my fraternity brothers calling my name from the game room, peace out!