I know what you're thinking. Sitting there reading this, all smug, saying to yourself, "I survived my first month as a freshman. It's all down hill now." Oh, you're so adorable it hurts. As much as you're loath to admit it, you're not quite as ready to take on the world as you think you are. You're like the baby deer, wide-eyed and innocent. You might have learned how to walk to the edge of the forest, but now you must learn how to avoid being taken down by the Busch-swilling hunter.

In the upcoming months and years at your university, you'll see things, things that will change you, things that will burrow inside your brain and live there, things that will haunt your dreams for all eternity. Oh God" the pain" the suffering… make it stop! Please, make it stop!

That's where I come in. Others might have given you advice on starting your college career, but I'm providing you with a handful of things you should watch out for during your first semester at your new school.

Go to all your classes during your first month of school? Hey, great for you, now let me let you in on a little secret. This isn't high school, you're professors don't care about you. Show up, don't show up, pass, fail, live, die, they're getting a paycheck no matter what. Always keep that little fact of life in mind when you're deciding if you really need to go to your 8 am class when you're so hurting from last night you can't even breath without it hurting.

Your Dorm
Hard not to notice the smell that hit you in the face when you first entered your dorm room, wasn't it? Bet you thought it was just a temporary thing. Jokes on you, "'cause that stink will be a resident in your building far longer than you will. Your only option is to breathe it in, get used to it, and learn to love it. No amount of showering or cleaning will ever get rid of it.

Your Roommate
During the beginning of school, your roommate most likely went to great lengths to prove that he would be your best friend, someone who always watches your back, and is always willing to pick up the tab at the bar. Be prepared for an abrupt change as Your roommate will most likely sleep away most of the day, shame you into drinking before class, and generally drag you down to the depths of humanity along with him. Don't fight it. Look on the bright side of things; while your roommate may be a slob, at least he's not a shape shifter who will try to eat your soul while you're passed out. Or maybe he is. Sleep with your eyes open just in case.

You're already missing home cooking, aren't you? Despite the fact that your parents have spend an obscene amount of money on meals for you, you're diet will consist mainly of pizza, Roman noodles, and juice packs. New to your diet, however, may be coffee. Much like its more destructive cousin, beer, you will most likely hate the taste of coffee at first. Learn to love it, as it is a handy hangover tool and you will look forward to seeing it in the morning more so than any loved one. Think of it this way; if beer is the guy who goes nuts and gets thrown in jail on Spring Break, coffee is the one who bails him out.

I'm sure you've already realized money is hard to come by. For some, it will come from a job on campus. For most, it will come from your parents. Don't ever be afraid to ask your parents for money. Look at it this way, if they're crazy enough to think that your being studious and responsible while at school, then they're crazy enough to believe that you need money for "books" three-quarters into the semester. Like my dad used to say when I used to ask him for money, "I'm not your real father and I never loved you."