Word on the street is that Mitt Romney's new right-hand man has the rock-hard abs to match those rock-hard family values. With reports of his 6 to 8 percent body fat, daily P90X sessions, and much sought-after shirtless photos, Rep. Paul Ryan has quickly emerged as the hunky conservative dreamboat this country may be clamoring for.
And with a few simple, daily exercises, you can be too.
Real American Stretching
- To get started, stretch only the muscles that you will be using in that day's workout. If you stretch the lazy muscles the ones that simply sit there and take advantage of the others' hard work then you are wasting valuable resources and hindering the growth of your body as a whole. This is America. Don't forget it.
Pinko Playlist Selection
- Grab your iPod and pick out your favorite pump-up tunes ideally written and performed by artists whose political and moral philosophies are diametrically opposed to yours. Feel free to chuckle to yourself, resting easy in the knowledge that Rage will be always be steamrolled and swallowed whole by the Machine.
Kick Out the Gays
- Any gays nearby? Well hold your horses! They may be nice folks for all you know, but nope just get 'em out. Now you should be warmed up and ready to go.