Yeah, That'll Happen #26
My Last Call
As spring semester is healthily underway, I must admit it feels a little weird not trudging through the snow and filing into a classroom. It finally happened. After four and a half years plus a summer session, I've finally graduated from Penn State. I've even updated my status on Facebook. My final GPA is lower than the current price of gasoline and I did just enough work in my last semester to not get F's across the board, but hey, this little diploma says I know plenty.
And what a pain in the ass it was, my last semester. Due to my brilliant planning (read: inherent laziness and academic ineptitude) I needed 22 credits to graduate. That translates to seven classes, five of which were upper level electrical engineering classes. Fantastic. Having already secured a job for after graduation, I panicked. What if I didn't pass everything? I came up with two scenarios, neither of which were very appealing. The first one was, if I didn't graduate, I'd just go to my job and pray that they'd never run a follow-up background check. The second one was worse; buy a pair of knee pads and practice suppressing my gag reflex. You have no idea how relieved I was when they called my name as I walked across the stage.
Ok, so maybe I didn't learn that much in class, mostly because I went to only 30% of them and my favorite professor was myself. Sophomore year, I had a class where I went to literally none of the lectures. I didn't even know the name of the professor. It was one of those classes where the entire grade was essentially composed of homework grades and two exams. After getting a 40 on the first exam, I realized I had to do something drastic in order to salvage this grade. We were allowed a cheat sheet on the second final, so my friend Mike and I basically copied the entire book onto an 8.5 X 11 piece of paper. I got a 95 on the second test, which amounted to a B+ after the curve. In retrospect, I wish it hadn't worked. Maybe I would've learned to go to class.
It's interesting to look back now and see how different I was compared to freshman year. Back then, my old roommate Mazz and I made a big deal about buying quality toilet paper. Senior year, we routinely raided the campus supply closets for the cheap stuff. The lesson here is, why spend money on something that you're going to poop on and then throw away?
During my last semester at school, I gained fifteen pounds. That's about seven kilograms for my metric friends. In a matter of four months, I went from my peak physical condition and working out twice a day to my worst physical condition and College Buffet every Sunday. Maybe the Freshman Fifteen just cycles every four years. Or maybe, the more things change, the more things stay the same.
I think I can get used to not being a student anymore. I'll never write on notebook paper again. I'll be able to afford better food than ramen noodles and Easy Mac. I'll never have to wear shower shoes or carry a tote basket for my shampoo and facewash. It gets better. No more homework, office hours, power tripping TAs or grades to worry about. No more books to buy, no more study groups, no more cheat sheets and especially no more cramming for tests. With all this free time, I think I can finally watch my TV shows, guilt-free. And also, join a bowling league, because that's normal.
And now, as usual, things that only seem to happen to me"
It turns out, I'm only good at using the iPod wheel with my right thumb. My left hand is absolutely worthless when it comes to that. The good news is, I think Apple is releasing a special glove just for this purpose. I'll need it, along with my special dialing wand for my fat fingers.
What's worse, the fact that every time I smell vinegar, I think of stinky feet, or the fact that my stinky feet actually smell like vinegar?
After years of denial, Mike finally got a Facebook account. The funny thing is, he did it a week before graduation. Who does that? That's like picking up smoking when you're 25.
Am I the only person who wants to see a resurgence of L.A. Lights? Back in the day, technology was only advanced enough for little red lights. Now we've got all sorts of super bright LEDs. You know what? I'm going to use my substantial electrical engineering knowledge and make my own brand of shoes. You'll see them from miles away.
You know what's awkward? When a friend drives over to pick you up for a night out, and you walk up to the car and open the passenger door, but someone is already sitting there. And not just anyone, it's some girl that your friend likes and he wants to make a good impression. At that point, there's nothing you can do but blame your own idiocy. And tinted windows.
People who have never had ranch dressing on pizza are as mind boggling to me as people who have never had ketchup on hot dogs.
Sometimes when I'm listening to my iPod, I get stuck in my own little universe and occasionally forget that I'm around other people, only to be brought back to reality all of a sudden. This usually occurs right after I fart in a public place and the people around me are shooting me dirty looks. It's almost as embarrassing as watching porn on your laptop at Starbucks and forgetting to mute it.
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