This past October, good old Jake Hurwitz decided he would help out his fellow males by assisting them in putting the together "The Perfect Mix CD," in hopes the lyrics of the chosen Top 40 singles would help readers win over women. Well, guys, we are here to take that a step further (or is it farther?). Now you can be guided along by girls themselves, as we tell you the songs we (and the majority of our fellow females) would get down and dirty to. (And yeah, we definitely checked with Jake-O before we even began conceiving this article" we're not that big of bitches.)
Oasis, "Wonderwall": Molly is absolutely obsessed with this song, so simply putting it on repeat pretty much guarantees her putting out. That said, the original is classic, and the majority of females will melt the minute the Gallagher brothers start crooning. However, if you want to really ensure getting action, put the Ryan Adams version on your sex soundtrack, as every female this side of downstate California melted the minute Adam Brody turned it up during The OC's first season. (If it worked for Seth Cohen, it will work for anyone.)*
Coldplay, "The Scientist": Ridiculously romantic in that I-just-got-done-cutting-myself sort of way, every individual of XX chromosome status will soften the minute Mr. Gwyneth Paltrow begins to sing his beautiful lyrics. Simply motion to your groin while whispering "no one ever said it would be this hard" and you'll be the Apple of her eye.
The All American Rejects, "Dirty Little Secret": Best for when you're attempting to seduce your best girl friend, cousin or that fat whore from down the hall. Not so subtly reinforces that fact that she isn't to tell anyone about this, but is still sweet enough to guarantee at least a hand job.
N.E.R.D., "Lapdance": What girl can't help but bust out her knowledge of Carmen Electra's Aerobic Striptease moves when this song comes on? Even if nothing else happens, you'll most likely get a lap dance here for free.
David Banner, "Play": Just slow enough to keep you from looking like you're having a spasm as you attempt to seduce her, with enough beat to keep things hot and heavy versus slow and romantic (a big plus if you're not after her heart, only her hymen).
Dave Matthews Band, "Crash": Although we've been told this song is about rape, it still works great even in situations of sexual consent. Even those who despise Dave still love this song, as every girl wants to be told that "she wears nothing, but she wears it so well" (Megan once used this line on Molly and not only was it awkward, it actually didn't make any sense since Molly was in a turtleneck and jeans).
Coolio, "Gangsta's Paradise": We're not kidding. Playing this proves to her that you're not afraid to get in touch with your former MC Hammer-pants wearing self. Who didn't memorize all the lyrics circa 1995? Simply hearing about the horrors of "bodies lined in chalk" in a world where "death ain't nothing but a heartbeat away" will make her realize that hooking up with you isn't the worst thing that could happen she could be "spending most her life living in a gangsta's paradise." And if she can go from humming with to Dave to rapping alongside Coolio, you have yourself a keeper. Note: If you switch this up for Weird Al's "Amish Paradise" you might as well kiss that girl goodbye (except she won't kiss you" especially if she's Amish).
112 and Ludacris, "Hot and Wet": Also the name of a low-budget porno, this lil diddy (produced by Diddy) basically tells it to her straight: "Yeah what you heard is true/
I'll make you do things you ain't even know you can do." Luda gets every girl going, and this track is not as let's-break-out-the-whips-and-chains as "What's Your Fantasy."
Chris Cagle, "Miss Me Baby": Or something country. Apparently people like it.
Prince, "GETT OFF": This song is perfect for a short romance with that-guy-you-brought-home-and-hope-leaves-your-dorm-room-without-remembering-your-name. It's all about a night of worry free orgasms and if Prince, who walked around in bright purple high heels, could do it, so can the rest of us.
Petey Pablo, "Freak-a-Leek": It asks those questions you want answered (i.e. "Do you want it from the back with your face in the pillow so you can yell it loud as you want to?"). Petey also calls out the girl's name so you don't have to thank god! You can't remember if she's Felica or Tenisha anymore, can you?
Kelly Clarkson, anything EXCEPT "A Moment Like This": Every girl we know has a girl crush on Clarkson, but if you go against our advice and add "Moment" to your playlist the girl is going to ask to go shoe shopping with her, not if you prefer your condoms ribbed or form fitted.
Salt-N-Pepa, "Push It": It gives the directions so you don't have to. What more do we need to say?
Britney Spears, "I'm A Slave For You": Besides being the song Megan would strip, the heavy breathing in the background will put sex in her mind if you haven't already done it (which, let's face it: you haven't, douche bag). It also reminds her that it's ok to be a slut, because if Mrs. Federline doesn't know right from wrong, who does?
*For an added bonus, both the GB's (Gallagher Brother's) and Matt Pond's "Champagne Supernova" rock as a post-coital jam, especially if you two decide to smoke a bowl. Then you can later ask your mutual friends in that smug I-just-got-some sort of way, "Where were you while we were getting high?"