Superbowl Sunday is a time where every man, regardless of race, creed, ethnicity, religion, or gender can come together, put their differences aside, and gamble on something anything. Sure you can bet on a team, or total score, but when it comes to the mother of all sporting events, Las Vegas releases odds for all sorts of interesting bets. You can bet on the coinflip , how the players will wear their hair, or even where the coaches wives sleep at night! (We suggest heads, dreads, and beds, respectively.) Here are some of the most intriguing bets you can take up with your local bookie!
100:1 Odds That No commercials will air involving talking monkeys in any way, shape, or form.
9:1 In an attempt to compliment the Seahawks' offensive line, someone will say they open bigger gaps than the one in Shaun Alexander's teeth.
50:1 Joey Porter will go the whole game without looking at the camera and screaming "Smash Mouth Football!"
5:2 Someone will ask you what "smash-mouth football" means.
2:1 Your answer will be a completely fabricated lie.
2:1 There will be a poster in the stands that says "The Bus Stops in Detroit!"
12: 1 Troy Palamalu and Lofa Tatupu celebrate their Polynesian heritage by spearing a boar together at halftime.
3:2 Someone will call the Rolling Stones "ageless," prompting Keith Richards to simultaneously break both hips.
3:1 E*Trade will spend 8 million dollars on a two minute spot that includes dancing giraffes. (3 million African children are still without running water.)
300: 1 Jerome Bettis's parents will miss the first professional game in his career because "something came up."
250:1 "It was just really important, okay, Jerome? God, it's not always about you."
4:1 Your dad will call during the game to make sure Troy Polamalu isn't a woman. Sorry, the hair confuses him. It's just not natural.
6:1 Bill Cowher mauls an entire section of fans in a tragic runaway jaw incident.
25:1 WR and 3rd-string QB Antwan Randle El throws a trick-play touchdown pass, causing Kordell Stewart to weep softly somewhere.
2:3 Fans in Detroit will riot no matter that outcome of the game because, hey, fans in Detroit enjoy a good riot.
1:1 Mike Holmgren will look like a Walrus.
400: 1 instead of gatorade, the team dumps a bucket of mackerel onto him. He devours every one.
50:1 A roaring drunk Joe Namath will stagger onto the playing field and threaten to kiss every woman in the stadium.
6:1 Matt Hasselbeck will appear in commercials for both Propecia and Rogaine.
9:1 In a pro-wrestling-style twist, Joe Jurevicius will hit Shaun Alexander with a steel chair and remove his shirt to reveal a Steelers jersey underneath.
1:1 Multiple camera shots will catch overweight white women in their fifties dancing to Motown hits.
5:1 The cheese dip's on fire. No, seriously dude, I can smell it. Ah, fuck, this happened last year, and we said we wouldn't let Travis be in charge of it again. Fuck, I don't know, I guess we've got to throw it away. Nah, let's try to eat around the burned part.
3:2 The fog from the halftime fireworks will thin out by the fourth quarter, and audiences will be able to actually watch the game once again.
9:2 Ed Hochuli will take a 3 hour break in his gym schedule to officiate the game. He will then flip the goal posts instead of a coin to decide who kicks off first.
9:1 "Fast" Willie Parker will remain the most uninspired nickname of all time.
3:1 The reel of past Steelers Super Bowl highlights will be much longer than the Seahawks' one.
6:1 In an ironic twist, a plane crashes into the Madden Bus, killing the famous announcer. In a more understandable twist, Pat Sumerrall was the pilot.