Happy Valentine's Day everybody. In the spirit of the most heart-shaped of holidays, we decided to ask our writing staff the question "What is love to you?" After deleting all responses containing the phrases "and then she makes herself" and "despite the fact that I haven't showered in literally a week" this is what we came up with. Enjoy…

Jeff Rubin – Love is the second single from Ashley Simpson's second album, I Am Me.

Lauren Frey – Love is why Xanex and red wine will be together forever – in my stomach. At least until they pump it.

Lilly Walleck – Love is that itching, burning sensation when you pee. Some might call it "The clap" but I don't speak spanish, so I call it love.

Ben Gleib – Love is not kissing your clients on the lips.

Joseph Ratermann – Love is like underwear: not completely necessary for a good time.

Thorton Papadopoulos – Love is sensational, epic, whimsical, and endless. No, wait, that's The Chronicles of Narnia.

Dan Levy – Love is a person who gives you blow jobs and tells you how funny you are. (she may also give you cash)

John Hallmann – Love is like a big sack full of white castle slyders. Both are sought while you are drunk off your ass and while great at first, in the end you will wonder what the hell you had been thinking.

Matt Hulten – Love is not having to pay for sex, but instead having to pay three times more for dinner, a movie, and flowers when really, it'd just be easier to pay for sex.

Pete Holmes – Love is what makes young John Conner cry, but there's nothing in the T-800's circuitry to help him understand. Later, however, in a final act of sacrifice, the machine will learn both why humans cry and how to execute a hilarious/moving last-minute thumbs-up.

Ben Rothbart – Love is a restraining order that is expiring in less than 3 weeks!

The Assimilated Negro – Love is rubbing all six of my toes.

Paul Scheer – Love is understanding that sometimes beating a level or getting to save a point in Splinter Cell is more important than cuddling.

Ethan Trex – Love is si evol. This was a palindrome contest, right? thgir, tsetnoc emordnilap a saw sihT

Jake Klocksien – Love is re-marrying your estranged husband after he wrote a song about slitting your throat and then named it after you.

Mindy Raf – Love is that time you started crying when you saw my face when I saw it for the first time and told you "'size doesn't matter, it's your sense of humor that's arousing.'

Dave Holstein – Love is what you do to a sheep after you lose your gay cowboy boyfriend.

Zach Oberman – Love is the only thing in the world that doesn't get better with mayonnaise.

Mike Birbiglia – Love is not something that can be written about with ordinary words, unless those words rhyme. Love is like a glove.

Adam Jacobi – Love is a perfectly good reason to get drunk on a Tuesday afternoon.

Aaron Karo – Love is not farting until your girlfriend gets out of bed.

Andrew Porter – Love is a tube sock and memories of my best friend's sister. Happy Valentines Day, and I'm sorry Dan!

Steve Hofstetter – Love is finding out that all the hookers he's been with kind of look like you.

Chris Wylde – love is never having to say your sorry, play the game sorry, or apologize for your infidelity with robert horry's sorry hole.

Ricky Van Veen – Love is a girl letting you touch one of her boobs. True love is a girl letting you touch both.

Melanie Ethand – Love is never having to say you're sorry, even if you empty the joint checking account because you "had a hunch" about the Haitian stock market.

Streeter Seidell – Love is like a rainbow: fleeting, kind of boring and pretty gay.

Max Lance – Love is the scene in Revenge of the Nerds when they hide cameras around the sorority house.

Matt Boor – Love is a horrific waste of time and money. That's easy. Now onto more important questions, like why am I single?

Lauren Holly – Love is admitting to someone other than yourself that your favorite pastime involves old episodes of 90210, zit cream, cheez its and reeses peanut butter cups. At least that's what my friend told me….

Jesse Costello – Love is gay, unless you actually are gay, in which case it is just whatever, unless you are a lesbian, in which case it is effing awesome.

Emily Rose – Love is never having to say "Your dad exposed himself to me that weekend in Chautauqua and I've been too afraid to tell you."

Craig Baldo – Love is the Jager talking.

Eric Wang – Love is writing her name on your hand while you download internet porn.

Tom Sunnergren – Love is all over my one good towel.

Jeff Rosenberg – Love is leaving class early to pick up your girlfriend from middle school.

Kevin Lockard – Love is a sacred bond between a man and a woman…until she sobers up.

Jake Hurwitz – Love is accepting her flaws. You've got a beautiful eye, baby!

Michael Ferrari – Love is letting her know she's gained some weight by giving her cute, subtle, little signs, such as calling her "Boulder" or "Tubby McSupersize."

Molly and Megan – Love means never having to say you're sorry for sleeping with her mom, emptying out his bank account, or for that when time when you tried to seduce her twleve-year-old brother.

Chris Richman – Love is never having to say, "You swallow?"

Erik Nielsen – Love is like the first hand job you get from the chubby girl on your floor that likes to use tobasco sauce as a lubricant and thinks guys love it when she flick their balls really hard. Oh wait, that's searing pain, not love.

Dan Wilbur – Love is monosyllabic.

Amir Blumenfeld – Love is…


1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.

2. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.
a. Sexual passion.
b. Sexual intercourse.
c. A love affair.

3. An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object.

4. A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment.

5. An expression of one's affection: Send him my love.
a. A strong predilection or enthusiasm: a love of language.
b. The object of such an enthusiasm: The outdoors is her greatest love.

6. Love Mythology. Eros or Cupid.

7. often Love Christianity. Charity.

8. Sports. A zero score in tennis