You've heard dozens of good pick-up lines, most of which can result in you finally scoring with that Hooters waitress who was "totally digging you." However, I prefer truly terrible pick-up lines. I'm talking about ones so bad they're a pick-down line, an opening so devastating that it will make its recipient cry tears of blood and shame. Here are some of my favorites:

"That shirt is very becoming on you…can I jizz on it?"

"Why don't you sit in my lap and we'll see what pops up? Probably my splintered femurs under your massive girth."

"If looks could kill, you wouldn't be the least bit threatening."

"Cum here often?" (pointing at her vagina) Mind if I do?

"Nice shoes, wanna duck?" (punch her in throat)

"Are you tired? Because you've been running for President of Ugly-sylvania all day."

"I lost my credit card number…can I have yours?"


"Is that a mirror in your
pocket, you vain bitch?"
"Somebody call Heaven ….I just ran over a kid."

"Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only person with bad teeth and a pronounced Southern drawl I see."

"Did it hurt? When you fell from the roof of your three story house as a baby, rendering your face utterly useless and unattractive."

"That dress looks good on you, but it would look better on someone much more attractive."

"Can I borrow a quarter? I want to call your mom and ask if I can borrow five hundred bucks."

"If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I as far apart as humanly possible. I would also even put some letters in between, if that's what it took. I've been working on a Q/K hybrid."

"Do you have a little Italian in you? Because you smell like a fat greasy plumber eating salami."

"Was your dad an astrologist? Because he stole all the stars in the night sky and put them in your eyes. Also, I'm looking for a summer internship in that field…and I'm willing to fuck my way to the top"

"I hope you know CPR. Because that would probably be the only thing you have going for yourself at this point."

"What's your sign? "Stop?" That's real witty, you fucking slut. We'll see if you still have a sense of humor after tonight."

"Can I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more sweaty and more lazy…"

"Baby, a night with me is like September 11th: A little shaky and sad at first, but once I get you in bed, game over!"