I make out with a lot of skanky chicks. A LOT of them. They're also really hot. The upside is obvious, but the downside is that my indiscriminate sexual practices will eventually lead to a few of those diseases you always see on brochures at the clinic. (Yeah, free condoms!) Unfortunately, I'll be spreading my cooties nationwide, since I'm not about to stop making out with hot, skanky chicks. That means that one of these days, I'm going to pick up the phone and a girl (hot and skanky) will yell, "You gave me -*!!!" So I've come up with a list of six responses designed to diffuse the situation, and I'd like to share them in case you find yourself in a similar predicament. With any luck, you and your leper will look back on the conversation months later and laugh, your smiles rimmed with the open sores of love.
*For the sake of argument, let's say it's Herpes, or as I like to call it: Mother Nature's Pyramid Scheme. 1)"Slurpees? I'd love one!"This is great because everyone likes Slurpees, unless they're Communists. I refuse to recognize any blue or green flavors of Slurpee, but just thinking about a delicious parfait of cherry and Coke Slurpee is guaranteed to distract her long enough for you to change the subject. If you're really good, throw in a Jedi-Mind-Trick-Finger-Sweep and you might just get yourself a free Slurpee. On the off chance that he or she says they don't like Slurpees and need to talk about their herpes, tell them that the two of you have more important things to discuss. Like their membership in the Communist Party.(This one is somewhat specialized, because currently I know of no 7-11 beverages that rhyme with "Syphilis" or "Gonorrhea".)