News Feed History of the World: September 2012
By Susanna Wolff
Paul Ryan likes Running Two Hour and Fifty-Something Marathons and Lying. September 1, 2012 The Internet: You know that the entire world is capable of fact-checking everything you say instantly, right? I mean, it would be one thing if you were an old guy who could conceivably not know that, but you’re 42. AOL became a thing when you were in your 20s. Paul Ryan: I can bench 400 pounds. True story. The Internet: shut up. Democrats attended The 2012 Democratic National Convention. September 5, 2012 Bill Clinton: Don’t worry, DNC VIP Billy C. will be in the hizzy. Hillary Clinton: Who? Bill Clinton: …Me. Hillary Clinton: Just say that then. Egypt: just found this video. wtf? not cool. September 9, 2012 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmodVun16Q4 Cairo: The only way to react to this kind of offensive content is to go fucking insane and violent. Common Sense: Yeah. That makes sense. A stupid Youtube video implies Muslims are terrorists. Better respond with violence. Al-Qaeda: Might as well throw in an actual terrorist attack too. Common Sense: Right, of course. Sam Bacile: guys, i worked really hard on that. plz no negative comments :((( Thomas Jefferson: Ok, if I had known the Internet would be invented I might not have been AS into that whole freedom of speech thing. I didn’t realize everyone would be subjected to the opinions of dumb a-holes at all times. Film Students: Can we talk about the real problems here? Horrible lighting job. Just awful. Apple Inc: Everyone can stop talking about depressing stuff like terrorism now because I’m about to blow your brains with the new iPhone 5! September 12, 2012 Hipster Twenty-Somethings: OMFG ahhhhhhhh. new phooooone. September 12, 2012 Hipster Twenty-Somethings: Oh. this blows. September 13, 2012 Google: lol. Closer Magazine: got some sweet pix of Kate Middleton’s boobs. September 14, 2012 Prince Harry: lol, Kate. welcome to the nudie club. Prince William: That’s such an egregious invasion of privacy. Closer Magazine: We’re French. We show boobs in toothpaste commercials. Stop being such prudes. Thomas Jefferson: I do NOT regret that bit about freedom of the press... Occupy Wall Street created the event Remember This? September 17, 2012 The Human Attention Span: eh. Mitt Romney is attending the event Gaffe Till You Laffe September 18 2012 Mother Jones: lol. look at this video of Mitt dismissing 47% of the country: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Ge03Sys8SdA Mitt Romney: Ok, I’m not trying to distract anyone from that video, but LOOK TAX RETURNS! I’M FINALLY SHOWING MY TAX RETURNS. Americans: You hardly showed any and all you proved was that, yes, you’re a millionaire with a really low tax rate. So... Mitt Romney: If I’m giving a speech to a lot of Latino Americans, I should just pile on the bronzer, right? That seems like a good idea. September 21, 2012 Paul Ryan: Shit. I should probably do some of the talking now. AARP: Boooooooooooo. September 21, 2012 Barack Obama: lol. Barack Obama has updated his cover photo [cover photo-sized slice of this: http://www.trbimg.com/img-505a42a2/turbine/la-et-mg-obama-jay-z-beyonce-fundraiser-001/600 ] Paul Ryan: :( Mitt Romney: Who are those people?