There is nothing more frustrating than to be sitting around and while looking back on your conduct from a recent evening and realize, "If I would have done that, I would have had sex." But you didn't have sex. Some misunderstanding came up, she's somewhere else and you ended up walking home alone and going to sleep. It didn't have to be like that though. You fucked up. The following are the most frequent scenarios that you will run into in failing to get laid and the key to preventing these mishaps from occurring so frequently.

Missing Signals:
There are few things as to look back on your conduct of a previous night's evening and to realize, "holy shit" she totally fucking wanted me and I was too drunk and stupid to take stock of the situation. She was touching you unnecessarily, speaking suggestively close to your ear, fucking you with her eyes or any other overt yet to you subtle clues that upon later analysis seem unmistakably obvious, in the fog of the moment unforgivably escaped your radar.

Coming Off as a Jackass:
Nothing is a bigger boost to the male ego than to take stock of a situation and realize that a girl wants you and that you have a very good chance of getting laid. When this realization passes through a drunken mind the confidence is now in place to reveal the jackass that you usually keep chained to a rock deep inside of you and hidden from public view. Suddenly the compulsion to comment on another girl that catches your eye becomes unavoidable in this girl's presence. Or you suddenly feel compelled to rap it is always most difficult to stomach when it escaped your own memory and is related back to you by a witness to the catastrophe. To learn you had been performing magic tricks is all the more unsettling that when sober would I never perform a magic trick but I don't even know any.


This man thought his girl
left the party early. Now look at him.
Getting Drunk and Wandering Off:
Everything is going great. She's in you're in but then something distracts you. "Who wants to go get some Taco Bell?" "Ya people are playing poker at Murph's" " "I just heard a ton of people are at Monday's" " It is very likely that it will dawn on you that you have committed a glaring error in judgment not long after arriving at your new destination. You will call to see where she's at, but more times than not the moment has passed and its better luck next time, or she is now convinced you are a jackass and it will be a challenge to ever get taken seriously by her any time in the near future.

Mistakenly Thinking She Wandered Off:
Oh man you are in! Then you do a quick take of the room. She's gone! Anger, despair, dejection and then its time to move on with your life. Perhaps there is another girl at the bar you have history with or you would like to start pursuing. When she sees you hitting on another girl it could get some jealousy going and work to your advantage or you will come as an idiot hitting on a new girl when you have already invested much of your evening on another. Another possibility is that you will leave and later be questioned as to where you went. The misunderstanding might be taken as comical or it could rightfully solidify your standing in the girl's head as a complete idiot.

Your Friends Get in the Way:
You've been talking. You're smiling at her. She's smiling you. You're discussing what your plans later on are when some of your asshole friends interrupt and guess what, "dude, so and so was so fucking drunk! You'll never believe what they did!"
"Oh yeah! How drunk? They did that! Get out of here!"
And when you hear what you'll never believe what just happened, or who they just saw doing what no one could fucking care less about you will not believe it. Such exchanges can drag on unnecessarily long, and when you look up you could realize that you fucked up. The moment is lost.

Her Friends Get in the Way:
It isn't always your fault. She could have several friends of lesser beauty hanging on her sleeve and disrupting the whole process. These little nuisances can't be ignored either and have to be tossed a conversational bone every now and then and in the process can do an adequate job of messing up your tempo. They can also compel your target to head off somewhere else with promises of meeting up later somewhere but that is unlikely until the complete next time. Ah well.

Solutions:
Although alcohol and numerous distractions to a now addled and unfocused mind can lead anyone to miss the chance, one easy solution is to not get so drunk. Being able to remember your actions the next day should be the level your shooting for. You can't drink too little either though. A careful balance must be attained, because if you're out and not drinking you stick out and you'll seem sketchy and suspicious.

Learn to think at a higher tier of thinking when drunk. This can be accomplished by studying or writing papers when intoxicated. Even then however, it is inevitable that some will get away. Its part of the territory. You say and do stupid things when you drink. An eagle does get a fish every time it swoops, a lion doesn't get a gazelle every time it pounces, and sometimes you're going to have to go back to your room alone, destined to find comfort from Maxim or FHM.