Money is hard to come by when you're in college. For some it will come from a job. For most it will come from your parents. But what's the best way to ask for money? Parents tend not to respond very well to a post-it note with postage due that says, "Dad. Cash. Thanx." Not to worry, I'm here to help. Go ahead and send your parents this formal request for money and I guarantee (I don't really guarantee, please don't sue me) they'll send you enough cash to keep you rolling in beer and chicken wings for at least a few weeks.

To the Parents of ______________:

Greetings and salutations. I hope this letter finds you well. I'm writing today on behalf of your son/daughter. I, like your child, wish this letter were purely social. Unfortunately, it is not. Rest assured, your child is in perfect health. At least for the moment.

First and foremost, let me say on behalf of your child that they love you and are thankful for everything you've done for them up until this point.

Now someone as savvy as yourself must realize that college life is hard and requires determination, concentration, and intelligence. It also requires money. Lots and lots of money.

Your son kindly requests
that you let him hold some skrilla
I'd like to take this opportunity to formally request additional funds to maintain the quality of living your child has grown accustomed to while living here at college, away from the loving home you've built for them.

While you may feel that a letter specifically from your child on this subject would be more fitting, you child feels that asking for funds directly would be both crass and inappropriate. Once again, your son/daughter has only your best interest at heart.

Please understand that while they are in college, not a day goes by that your son/daughter doesn't miss your love and support. They asked me to specifically tell you that. And also to mention how young the two of you looked last time they saw you. Maybe you're using a new conditioner, but more likely it's just good genes. Genes you've passed onto your son/daughter, along with so many wonderful life lessons they'll keep with them forever. If only money lasted forever as well. But it doesn't, and therefore your son/daughter needs more.

Think of your donation in this way, the better your child does in college now, the better career they will have in the future. It's common knowledge that every parent wants to see their child succeed in life and every child wants to be adequately prepared for the journey ahead of them. And more importantly, every child wants to leave college secure in the knowledge that they can take care of their parents in their old age and not be forced in place them in a second-rate retirement home. And rest assured, places like that use the phrase "home" very loosely. Just a head's up there.

Have I mentioned how young and vibrant the both of you looked? It's really quite amazing that you're even old enough to have a child in college. Again, I was instructed to place special emphasis on your youthful appearances and how much your child loves you, which is a lot.

So please, give generously to the child you brought into this world. And remember, upon their birth you made a commitment to that child that you would be there for them physically, emotionally, and most importantly, financially.

I thank you for your time and your child thanks you in advance for your generous donation.

Matt Hulten