There are always those times in life, especially in college, when it is necessary to lie. Most people lie everyday, but there are only a few select circumstances where it will actually improve your life in college.

Question: "Did you study for that final exam?"
Answer: "No! Are you kidding me? I was too busy drinking all night."

Everyone knows there's nobody cooler than people who don't study and still ace their tests. Not only does it baffle people, but it will also show girls you're the perfect mix. The ladies will see that you're popular enough to date in college, and on a path to success in your post college days. Regardless of all the hours you spent studying, don't admit it. Ever. It's also important that you don't shave or shower the morning of the test; because you need to make sure you look hung over. The sad thing is some people will actually not study and still do better than you. Don't even talk to those people.

Question: "Hey, did you hear that new Paris Hilton (or any other new artist) song?"
Answer: "Yah, definitely, what do you think about it?"

The answer is always "yes." It is extremely important that you follow up your lie with a question of your own about the song. You obviously never heard the song, so it's critical to not give an opinion about it until your potential friend does first. No matter what he says, you should pretty much give the same response. If he likes it, you like it. If he doesn't, you don't. It's that simple.


Your "home car"
Question: "Do you have a car on campus?"
Answer: "Hell yah. That 1990 Buick there is mine, but it's just my junk car for the school year. I have a Porsche at my home that I just use for street racing in the summer."

When it comes to talking about cars, it's important to just say you have a good one that's fast. It is essential that you use the word "nitrous" a few times when you're talking about your fancy car at home, because this will prove you take your racing seriously. Quickly change the subject to their car, because you probably only saw Fast and the Furious once, and it's going to be hard to bull shit all day.

Question: "Wow, look at Veronica. I heard you hung out with her last night, did you get any?"
Answer: "Of course, she's a freak."

If you don't lie about having sex with a girl you have gone on a date with, you can rest assure that your friends will question your manhood. They'll doubt that you even have a penis. Don't be surprised if they start to talk amongst themselves regarding your sexual preference. That's why it's always safer if you just lie about it. Unless you actually had sex with the girl, in which case you don't have to. It's usually safer to try and cover up your lie before she hears about it. Tell your friends she doesn't want everyone to know she's a slut, so they should keep it quiet. Chances are she is going to find out anyway, so when the shit hits the fan just keep the story straight and be confident. It's your word against hers, but it's also time to start looking for girls you can really have sex with.

By The Way: Remember, nothing is more important than keeping these lies going. Never feel bad and admit to the lies. Do you want to enjoy your college experience, or spend it alone watching shows like American Idol? That's what I thought.