Sometime last month, on a day I don't remember, in a time I can't recall, something special happened to me. A friend of mine, named Joseph approached me with a friend of his. I had never met this stranger and he had never met me. He was a friend of Joseph's from "back in the day" whatever that means. He introduced us.
In true Joseph fashion, his lips began to move seconds before he spoke, as he pointed to me and finally uttered, "Amir, this is my friend"""
I cut Joseph off immediately and said, "Brian. Your name is Brian." I'm not sure why, but I'm certain I said those exact words. I can still hear them. "Brian. Your name is Brian."
"That's exactly right," spoke Brian. "But how did you know?"
I don't know how I knew that Brian's name was indeed Brian. Something happened to me that night. I decided to push forward. I pointed across the hall at another stranger. "Terrance."
He turned around.
Three more strangers: "Riley, Samuel, Lawrence!" Turned around. Turned around. Turned around.
"Nevermind." I shrugged them off and walked away. Away from Joseph and Brian and Terrance and Lawrence and Riley and Samuel.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you realized that you have a gift? A gift that would soon be able to earn you thousands of dollars in guessing parlors across America? My guess is that you haven't.
The problem with being able to guess somebody's name is that people will never believe you until you show them. Name guessing turns skeptics into believers in five syllables or less.
I was able to convince the folks at CollegeHumor to give me a shot to allow me to perform an online name guessing, to every single student reading this update. A name guessing of unprecedented proportions. They were skeptical. Of course, who isn't?
I asked the man in charge of articles, "What would your father, Thomas, want you to do?"
"Or your mother, Meredith. Your brother Richard or your"""
"Okay enough! Enough! Stop it! The website is yours. But""you have to write an update kids will want to read."
Fine. Fine. I understand that in order to showcase my unbelievable talent I would first need to stoop down to "their level."
So here are five funny things to do in summer school. 1) show up to school in pajamas, 2) carry skis around campus, 3) bring a giant reflexive mirror to your final and tan, 4) build a sand castle in office hours, 5) boogie board into class.
What do you think about those tips" ERIC!!?!?!?!