You've just ended a relationship. Maybe it was their fault, maybe it was yours, either way, it's over. And yet, feelings still linger. Naughty feelings. All you want to do is to be left the hell alone to wallow in self-pity and Oreo cookies, but your friends will have none of that and insist instead on taking you out to the bar. Here's a breakdown of what you can expect to experience over the next several hours. 9 p.m.Location of phone: In your carWhat you're drinking: BeerIt's crowded in the bar as your friends drag you in and place a beer in your hand. Things start off fairly well, drinking and laughing and making fun of your former flame. In fact, you can barely remember their name. You know what? Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to come out tonight.
10 p.m.Location of phone: It's in your car, but honest to God, you think you can hear your ring from here. You may need to go check that out. What you're drinking: Beer, but there's one in each hand.Even your friend who's a borderline alcoholic is warning you to slow down at this point. Pay them no heed, as tonight, you're celebrating your freedom! You want all your friends around you at such a joyous time. Even that roommate that never leaves the apartment and kind of creeps you out. You know what, you'd better go get your phone and give them a call.11 p.m.Location of phone: One of your friends wrestled it away from you. And that friend is dead to you now.What you're drinking: Jack and Coke.Beer just isn't doing it for you any more. Time to kick things up a notch. You're openly flirting with a stranger across the bar now. Unfortunately, something about them reminds you about your ex, and you start to cry a little. The rest of the hour goes like this: drink, weep, drink, weep, drink, weep, drink, weep, drink. Your friends begin to wisely distance themselves from you.