Dude, this summer is gonna be insane. I thought nothing could top last semester but man, was I wrong. I've been boozing it up like a fuckin' Irishman, scorin' mad tail, chilling with all my bros from the Zeta chapter at the local community college and spending all day cruising around in my mom's Rav4, just checking out the scene. Yeah dude, a Rav4 isn't the coolest car around but when I'm behind the wheel you should see all the girlies chasing me down. This one chick laid down in the road and was all "Blake, you either have to run me over or talk to me because I'm not moving." I hooking up with her behind the dugout at the little league field that night, dude! Yeah son!
Oh, this other time my boy Beandog calls me up and says he needs a place to crash. I guess he said some shit to his dad about how he's too old to have a curfew or whatever and his dad freaked and kicked him out. I was like "Beandog, you can always crash at my place." I even brought my flip n' fuck home from school so I totally had a place for him to sleep. I was like "Beandog bro, the flip n' fuck is all good but I gotta warn you that that thing had some serious fluids on it from all the girls I brought home last semester." He was like, "It's cool brah," and then he said he was gonna bring a 30 rack of Beast for us to pound in the driveway. Fucking Beandog, good people.
Dude, I know I said I've been hooking up with tons of chicks but there's this one girl who I've been doggin' all summers so far. She's this chick named Lizzy and I went to high school with her. Dude, I'm not even shitting you when I say that she was by far the most smoking hot bitch at my school. Everyone was lining up to tap that ass but she was always bangin' these older dudes. But check it, she goes to college and gets kinda fat, right. Normally, the Blakester doesn't touch any bitch over 115, but this is Lizzy-fuckin-Friedman, so I'll make an exception. I mean, she's gotta be pushing 130 so it took a lot for me to break my rule but bro, I'd been trying to get up in this girl for years, dude. Needless to say, I've been hitting that like redhead stepchild all summer and I've even given her some good tips for trimming fat.
Speaking of that, I almost forgot the best thing about this summer so far. I swear dude, crazy shit happens to me al the time. Perfect example; I'm walking down the street in my town, just sipping on a red bull, peepin' the girls, whatever, and I walk by this new gym. Motherfucker is huge, dude. I'm like, "Damn yo, a new temple of masculinity right here in my own fuckin' town? I gotta check this shit out." I walk in and this bitch is HUGE. I'm talking miles of free weights, like 200 fag machines (cardio stuff), a boxing room, sauna, all the good shit. This dude comes up to me and is like "Bro, you have the perfect body, you should be a trainer here." So I go, "Yeah, I'll do it, but I'm not working with any fat bitches." He goes, "cool" and the deal was done. I'm working there four days a week, raking in cash like what, not touching any fat bitches and keeping my body tight for the honeys. Man, I can lift so fucking much now. I'm definitely one of the strongest dudes in my town, probably the state too.
Anyway, that's my summer so far. Shit's crazy, bro. I'm getting pumped for 4th of July too, dude. My buddy Sackrash got all these fucking illegal fireworks from Mexico and we're gonna get shitfaced and light them off on our old football field. Man, got a lot of memories on that field. I fuckin' RULED that school when I went there. Fuckin' A dude. Blake, out.