Okay, I have no shame. I just put the word masturbation in the title to get you guys to click on this column. I have yet to hear back from those girls I tried to convince to touch themselves. I just received so many lovely e-mails from that column that I figured putting the word masturbation in the title of this one wouldn't be a bad idea.

So this isn't about masturbation, but rather a little update on my life since my last post. Wait, don't go! Um..boobs, titty, titty, boobs, titty, titty, boobs.

For those of you still reading, here's the Mindy Raf Update sans masturbation.

5/3 – 5/12
Did nothing but sit in my apartment and wait for Hugh Hefner to contact me regarding my sincere offer to be his next girlfriend.

5/12 -5/15

Flew to Michigan to surprise my mom for Mother's Day.

Ran into a girl I went to high school with who just got a new husband and a new nose. She kept calling me Mandy while I tried not to stare at the sickly thin new bridge of her nose. She asked me for my contact info. I told her to check out my website: mandyraf.com. Awesome.

Found a 'killer cookie recipe' in my mom's cookbook from 1972.

Scanned copy of recipe for myself.

5/15-5/30 (from 3am to 8am)

Made and ate cookies while watching The Weather Channel and thinking about global warming.


Got into a fight with a girl at a bar because she thought I was "all up on her boyfriend" when I approached him on his bar stool and asked him if he would "mind getting up for a second, you're sitting on my purse."

Drank too much on my birthday. Vomited in taxi cab. Had the following conversation with driver:

Him: Lady, hey lady, you got to clean up your mess.
(Roommate meets me at the door)
Roommate: Did you puke?
Me: Whaa? Nooo!
Him: LADY! LADY! Come back lady, you got to clean it up lady.


Went to Israel. Had a wonderful time. War started.
Went to Colorado. Had a wonderful time. Cat died.
Went to Las Vegas. Had a wonderful time. Transvestite Celene Dion impersonator threw up a little on my shoe.


A guy shouted out "fifty bucks for oral" from his car while I was walking to my morning radio job at 5:15am. Decided to retire the skanky sundress that I still wear from 1995.


Went to a wedding in Ohio with lots of Steelers and Browns fans in attendance. Sat at table while three guys from PA passionately discussed the Steelers. Two of them got up, and I was left to have this conversation:

Guy at Table: Duce! Warming the fuckin' bench! Fuckin bullshit.
Me: I know. Yeah!
Guy: I mean fuck duce! You know?! Fuck him hard!
Me: I know. Yeah!
Guy: We're not looking for him to be our fuckin starter anyway. Hopefully FWP stays healthy.
Me: I know. Yeah!
Guy: You agree?
Me: Um" well" FWP you know, he" needs to stay healthy.
Guy: Hell yeah!
Me: Hell yeah!

Later, tried to break up a Steelers vs Browns fist fight between two drunk middle-aged men.

Tried to break up fist fight=watching fight while sipping on vodka tonic.

Vowed never again to attend a wedding in Ohio with lots of Steelers and Browns fans in attendance.


Received the following e-mail:

RE: Audition
Nice job, but you're look isn't right for what I need right now. It's very close, but not close. Good lick with everything.


Have decided that making and selling mom's killer cookies might be a way to pay my rent until the comedy career fully does.

For more writing and a show schedule go to

Mindy's Blog

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