By Charlie Nadler
11:49am Text from Charlie Hey professor! It’s Charlie from “Intro to geology for non-science majors.” Wondering if u could write me a quick ltr of recmndtn? Would be gr8 to have 4 finding job. Lemme know, hope u r good. *** 6:20pm Text from Charlie Forgot to mention, I was the 1 who sat in back left of the lecture hall, usually. Dark hair. Spring of ‘96. Thx in advnc. *** 8:11pm Text from Charlie Charlie again. I C U R not in a big rush to get back to me! LOL it’s ok, just making sure u didn’t think I was the other Charlie in our class. He sat right in front of me, had dark hair 2, wore lame puka shell necklace. Total dick. Not me. Hope alls well. *** 8:16pm Text from Charlie WHERE’S MY FUCKING RECOMMENDATION?! J/K J/K, but seriously, r u getting any of my texts? Starting to get a little worried. Is everything OK? *** 8:19pm Text from Charlie OK fine, YES – I was the one with the puka shell necklace. There was no other Charlie. R U happy now? I still need ltr of recmndtn! And FYI, I don’t wear shell necklaces anymore, unless there’s a party or sumthin goin on, which is not too often these days :(. 4 real – letter of recommendation. Send it. Now. This is Charlie. *** 8:42pm Text from Charlie “Let me know if you need anything.” Those were YOUR words, prfsr, on our first day of class. Guess who else lied to their students on the first day of class? The NAZIS. *** 9:57pm Text from Charlie Hey, wow – thinking maybe we should just start over here! Dear professor, would you please write me a letter of recommendation? Thanks, I greatly appreciate it. Sincerely, Charlie. (PLZ disregard all txts from earlier.) *** 10:01pm Text from Charlie I will literally light my own face on fire if I don’t have the letter in 5 minutes. *** 10:07pm Text from Charlie Professor: This is the police! We just arrived at Charlie’s house to find his ENTIRE FACE GONE. Based on our investigation of his phone records, we find u guilty. If u can send him a letter of recommendation immediately, will reconsider. Please respond ASAP (to Charlie, 911 not working right now). *** 10:43pm Text from Charlie Woops! Just remembered that the prfsr never gave us his cell phn #, but the TA did – so I’ve been txtng the wrong person this whole time! Sorry bout that, U probs think I’m crazy LOL. Anyway, R U still the TA? Think U could write me a quick ltr of recmndtn? No big hurry, whenever U have a sec.