These two states are deciding our entire election, so feel free to just rip into these fuckers, even if it's totally uncalled for. Sure, someone from one of these states might get offended, but remember, Controversy = More Twitter Followers For You = THE BIG TWITBUCK$$$$
7. DON'T: Start A Political Rant By Saying "Sorry To Get All Political On You "
That phrase and its cousins ("I'm not usually political on here ", etc.) are basically rhetoric's equivalent of "I'm not racist, but " we've already turned against you from the getgo. No one's going to read your entire seven-paragraph sermon anyway; remember, we're on Facebook at that moment specifically BECAUSE we have no attention spans.
8. DO 'Like' Every Article From The Economist Or The New Yorker That You See
This will make you seem cultured and sophisticated, plus you don't have to actually read these long stupid things for stupid smarties. Merely clicking on a link to The Economist officially counts as going to the gym.
9. DO: Pander For Easy Retweets
Twitter-pandering to earn easy 'preaching to the choir' Retweets is not only completely encouraged on Election Night, but it's also practically the whole reason the Election exists these days (same with The Oscars, TV series finales, celebrity deaths, holidays, meals, and all other life events and non-events). Just make sure to follow up your preachy Tweet with a self-deprecating joke that VERY lightly pokes fun at your candidate to re-prove your comic objectiveness, like so:
10. DON'T: Post ANYTHING Non-Election Related
Perhaps most importantly of all, do NOT give ANY INDICATION that you are the SLIGHTEST BIT interested in anything other than the election, your candidate winning the election, and the future of our great country. Until later in the week, when our internet returns to its natural state (GIFs of Corgis whipping Ninja Turtles skateboards at Homeland torrents, set to Ron Swanson quotes.)
Congratulations! You are now an Election Night social media superhero! Unless you blew through this post in four seconds, read none of the text and looked at three photos, and closed this window while vaguely amused, in which case, you're already an expert at this.