By Caldwell Tanner
Lesser-Known Body Parts
A secondary stomach reserved solely for when the primary stomach is full but you still really want to get that Chocolate Volcano Brownie because it just looks SO GOOD.
A significantly smaller urinary bladder that your body uses exclusively during movies. It is roughly half the size of a standard “small” movie theater soda.
Male Secondary Brain
A smaller brain located in the male genatlia. When aroused it suppresses the area of the upper brain’s judgement center, which often leads to unsuccessful flirting attempts and eating a spicy thing because your bro said it would be cool.
Dorsal Maternal Eye
A pair of auxiliary eyeballs that mothers develop in the back of their head. This allows them to prevent their kids from ever doing anything remotely fun or cool.
A layer of heat-resistant skin that covers the hands of many childbearing females. It allows them to easily pick up incredibly hot baking sheets and pans without the use of gloves or potholders.
Titular Ear Center -
An organ near the inner ear that allows you to hear your name in noisy rooms, as you age, this organ is also responsible for hearing and pronouncing celebrities’ names incorrectly.
Melodramatic Tear Duct
A tear duct adjacent to the primary one that only activates while watching movies you know you shouldn’t cry it but just can’t help yourself. Sometimes it is triggered by the increased altitude experienced while watching movies on an airplane.
Infinite Mucus Sinus
A nasal sinus cavity deep that activates when the body experiences cold or flu-like symptoms. It NEVER runs out of mucus. Like, ever.
A miniature set of pre-blackened lungs that become active when the body is inebriated. This explains why several people only smoke while drunk.
Posterior Nervous System
Commonly known as the brain-butt or “brainus,” this lobe is responsible for randomly jettisoning information from your cerebral cortex via a procedure known colloquially as a “brain fart.” In extreme cases, a brain fart will solidify into full-fledged diarrhea of the mouth.