Dear Fro-Yo Sample Consultants,
As your Fro-Yo Sample Manager, please allow this memo to serve as a final warning: all customers visiting our frozen yogurt establishment must sample each and every one of our four-hundred flavors of fro-yo per visit. Yes, you heard me correctly: that's PER VISIT. Failure to provide customers with adequate fro-yo flavor sampling may result in a demotion, termination, or worse.
Let me make this extremely clear, because it seems as if I didn't do so in Fro-Yo Sample Camp: We advertise that we have four-hundred flavors of fro-yo FOR A REASON. Not just any reason, but because we have FOUR-HUNDRED FLAVORS OF FRO-YO, including sweet potato fro-yo, breast milk fro-yo, and tree bark fro-yo. We can only keep our four-hundred flavor reputation by ensuring that each and every customer samples each and every one of our four-hundred flavors of fro-yo.
I try to keep public fro-yo criticism infrequent which, frankly, doesn't come so easy to the guy who basically invented modern fro-yo but after having to kindly remind so many of you to "keep the customer a-sampling" IN FRONT OF THE ACTUAL CUSTOMER, I felt that typing, printing, and posting this memo around our fro-yo establishment was appropriate.
Now you're reading it.
Many of you have responded to my criticism by asking, what if the customer isn't interested in fro-yo samples after their 43rd sample, disregarding hundreds of other delicious fro-yo flavors? To that I say, who can't sell free fro-yo, possibly the EASIEST thing to sell in the whole entire world? I mean, do people like free money? It's basically the same thing.
Some of you have asked HOW to keep a customer a-sampling more so, won't a customer a-sampling through all four-hundred flavors of fro-yo surpass what a normal human can possibly eat and vastly exceed the surgeon general's recommended intake of sugar? No. Our fro-yo is so light, airy and delicious that it's basically like not eating anything at all. You could inject our fro-yo directly into someone's veins and they wouldn't feel much besides a little chilly.
A few of you have asked, what if the customer doesn't want to sample a certain fro-yo flavor? To that I say tough! That's life. There's fro-yo you like, there's fro-yo you don't like. Just like there's good, there's evil. Just like there's Batman, there's The Joker. Just like there's blueberry cotton-candy fro-yo, there's asparagus fro-yo. Just like there's margarine fro-yo, there's cow blood fro-yo. Deal with it! Deal with ALL of it!
If any of this makes you nervous, don't fear, my Fro-Yo Sample Consultants. I've developed Fro-Yo Sampling Guidelines to help you on your journey. It is a journey, after all. Let's begin.