According to reports, the New Orleans Hornets are looking to change their name to the Pelicans for the 2013-14 NBA season. New Orleans may be "The Pelican State," but this team name needs to shoo.
1. UnibrowYes, their star player is monobrowed man, Anthony Davis, but this represents so much more. A unibrow is a bunch of things coming together as one to form a larger, more unified, and scarier thing, and if that's not intimidatingwhat is?
2. Dunkeroos Enthusiasm for 90's nostalgia might run out eventually, but luckily, the idea of a kangaroo dunking a basketball never will.
3. Mardi GrasA local favorite and an easy way to skip the debate over whether a team's name should be pluralized.
4. White DudesNot great, but it makes about as much sense as Washington Redskins.
5. Lunar CratersNot great, but it makes about as much sense as Los Angeles Lakers.
6. SaintsThe football team of the same name already has New Orleans' heart, so why not mooch off of that?
7. SusansWhile the name doesn't exactly instill fear, it might help the organization tap into the massive intellectual sports fan market. At the very least, Ms. Orlean might show up to a game.
8. CoolThe Miami Heat are the best team in basketball, but what kind of fan wants to be associated with a moniker like that? Or LeBron James, for that matter.
9. $10 BeersIt's what everyone in the arena will be shouting anyway. That said, they might have to add a question mark.
10. DeathYou'll never defeat this team, so you might as well learn to accept it.
Alex Watt is on Twitter, Tumblr and an ego trip.