The Mayans long ago created a calendar that is set to expire on 12/21/12. Many across the world have interpreted this as a doomsday prophecy and are flocking to areas of supposed significance, awaiting the end of times. The chance that a pre-Columbian society with an admittedly advanced understanding of heavenly motion though not nearly as advanced as ours now could predict the expiration date of earth more than five hundred years in the future is, to put it kindly, remote. However, as with all analysis of likelihoods, there is of course a chance that the Mayans could be correct. And that would just suck, right?!
All this time we could have been having orgies, experimenting with lethal drugs and stealing military planes to go for joy rides, but, whoops, didn't believe the Mayans! Instead of writing this stupid article I could be out eating a hundred lobsters, literally stuffing myself with lobster until my stomach walls ripped open, because, hey, why not? Or I could be stuffing you with lobsters. We could do it to each other with lobsters. At an orgy. On that military plane that flies in a parabolic arc so that the passengers achieve weightlessness. We could be doing that, but we didn't believe the Mayans.
And why should we have believed them? They may been good at locating stars and building cities but they weren't exactly prophetic. They failed to see, for instance, that a few hundred Spanish people would show up in Mesoamerica, cough a few times and accidentally kill everyone living there. So if they didn't see that coming, how could they see the end of the world coming? I think we can all be forgiven for not believing the hype, so to speak, but that's not going to ease the pain of missing all the great apocalyptic activities we could have got up to. Like fishing for sharks with dynamite, knocking down the Eiffel tower for fun and throwing gold bricks into the ocean because they're just yellow metal now.
Here's some other stuff we'll never get to because we were soooo smart and didn't believe the world was ending:
1. Orgy2. Steal tank, go to Wendy's drive-thru with it3. Try to clone a dinosaur a la Jurassic Park4. Run naked with a pack of wild dogs, become their leader5. See how many $100 bills you can swallow6. Ride a whale7. Weird orgy (masks, tuxedos, people acting like animals, etc)8. Snort world's longest line of cocaine9. Have your own Hunger Games but with people you don't like10. One more orgy, just in case
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