How to Cure a Cold in 10 Easy Steps
By Susanna Wolff
1. Quickly clear your throat six (6) times in a row. 2. Say, “I hope I’m not getting sick,” to at least one (1) person. 3. Blow your nose. 4. Accept that you are getting sick. 5. Drink a completely ludicrous amount of orange juice. 6. Tell at least eight (8) people that you are sick. 7. Sniffle loudly in a quiet room four (4) times, or until someone gives you a dirty look. 8. Sleep. 9. Repeat steps #5-#8 for three (3) days. 10. Once you’re well, feel zero (0) pity for people who now have a cold.