49ER vs PATRIOT - Image 1


While the odds makers may be sizing up the throwing games of Colin "The Kaeped Crusader" Kaepernick and Tom "Mr. Gisele" Brady, the truly insightful will be running some different numbers… Calculating the effectiveness of Pick Axes against musket fire and handicapping the game based on the strength of the mascots- 49er vs. Patriot!

At first glance, common sense would seem to dictate that a patriot would have the clear edge with their superior firepower and at least rudimentary training. HOWEVER, this ignores everything we learned from episodes of Deadwood and every gritty Spaghetti Western featuring such a character – old timey prospectors fight like ornery bearcats when cornered and, no matter how insanely bullet ridden the shootout, they never seem to catch lead. But even given their gold teeth and charming witticisms it's hard to argue with artillery.

So in the end nothing can be foretold of the future until the moment the these two formidable foes meet Sunday- beard to bayonet, fighting for love of gold and country, respectively. Although… given the bearded folk of San Francisco's propensity towards mind expanding halucinogenics… maaaaaybe that crazy old prospector can see the future … Or maybe he's just going to show up babbling about all the colors he can taste as he strips off his one-piece union suit and streaks the field. Only time will tell!