Hey everyone! First off let me just say thank you so much for coming to my birthday party. I know that I can kind of live out of the way of most stuff, but I appreciate you making the trek! Also, sorry about that riddle at the gate, it is just a way to keep pranksters with an IQ below 110 from crashing the party. But don't text anyone the answer; there is a trap door for people who get the answer wrong that I have been dying to test out.
Anyway, feel free to make yourself at home! I know this is a party so I have plenty of Bud-Light stocked up in the fridge. And I don't know about you guys but I like my beer nice and cold so, it is at a sub-zero temperature so make sure that you have an internal temperature that is above 100 degrees or you're guaranteed to get frostbite. And for those non-drinkers in the house there is punch on the table over there. And as you can see, there are two different bowls, one is regular punch and the other is a compound made of pure arsenic and water. But there is a special pheromone in the arsenic that most of you will be able to pick up on so, enjoy!
Also I have plenty of food and snacks here! My wife made a three bean dip that is just to die for! But just a word out to anyone with allergies, one of the beans is poisonous unless you have the recessive beta-gene (934B5A). But trust me, it's worth it to find out. And other than that we have a bunch of strong-shelled nuts and seeds.
And yes, I went all out this year with a DJ! He is going to be playing all the hits so, feel free to make any requests! But not till the end of this song at least! This one is my jam! And to all of you with confused faces, don't worry! The music is just at a really high frequency that only some of you can hear. But don't request anything with a different frequency because the DJ is a dog, and that is all he is willing to play.
And I think that about wraps it up! Have fun everyone and thank you so much for coming! Oh, and before I forget, I will be monitoring everyone's behaviors and actions at the party so don't feel left out if I haven't gotten to you yet! And another thing, no fucking in any bedroom. I mean it, those are no fuck zones
Alrighty guys, lets party!