Alex Watt is on Twitter, Tumblr and an ego trip.
By Alex Watt
-The Flair Bear -When your favorite player scores a touchdown -Step 1: Spike your beer. -Step 2: Apologize to your friend for spilling beer on his wife. -Step 3: Do the “Super Bowl Shuffle” right the heck out of there. -T-throwing -When you’re about to have sex. -Step 1: Spike your t-shirt. -Step 2: Thank God. -Step 3: Struggle mightily with your pants, shoes, and socks. -The Imprudent Student -When your professor doesn’t collect the homework assignment that you didn’t do. -Step 1: Spike the piece of paper you wrote random math equations. -Step 2: Quickly pick it up. -Step 3: Sit quietly, creating no further commotion in your seating paying the perfect amount of attention: not so much that you get called on, but not so little that the teacher tries to embarrass you. -The Nay-Tripper -When you trip and fall without getting hurt or anyone seeing you. -Step 1: Spike yourself. (Crossed Out) -Step 1: Get up. -Step 2: Continue to walk like it never happened. -The Boutonniere -When you realize this is going to be the best prom ever. -Step 1: Spike the punch. -Step 2: Jump, jive, and wail. -Step 3: Puke in a urinal. -The Gamer Tamer -When you beat a videogame -Step 1: Start to spike your controller. -Step 2: Remember it costs like 50 bucks -Step 3: Kick something less expensive like it were the extra point. -The Gollum Shake -When you get an onion ring in an order of french fries. -Step 1: Spike the onion ring. -Step 2: Pick it up. -Step 3: Fall in love with it. -Step 4: Have someone steal it from you. -Step 5: Destroy it. -The Money Walk -When you get DAT PAPER. -Step 1: Spike caution into the wind. -Step 2: Throw money into the wind and make it rain. -Step 3: Live on cold ramen and loneliness for next two weeks. -Step 4: Repeat.