The Miami Heat Visited The White HouseThe 2012 NBA champs were rewarded for their success with a trip to the White House. Before the team arrived, the event announcement caused panic amongst presidential staffers, as 'Bringin' the Heat to the White House' is usually what Joe Biden yells before sunbathing on the South Lawn.
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell Did A Reddit AMAAs part of the media blitz leading up to the Super Bowl, National Football League commissioner Roger Goodell did an 'Ask Me Anything' on popular website Reddit. During the session, a sad loser with no friends posted numerous self-serving comments in an effort to boost his image on the internet. Also, a lot of people asked that sad loser questions.
Soccer Star Didier Drogba Signed An 18-Month Deal With GalatasaraySeven months after leaving Chelsea to play soccer in China, Drogba moved again, this time signing a year-and-a-half long contract with Turkey's Galatasaray. Fans of the club were excited and relieved to hear the news, as many had worried the team would simply use its extra cash to buy another vowel.
A-Rod Was Among Players Named In Doping Allegations Published In Miami New TimesA report in the Miami New Times alleged ties between a group of Major League Baseball players, including Alex Rodriguez, and a Miami-based clinic suspected of dealing in performance-enhancing drugs. In retrospect, allegations make a lot more sense: A-Rod has been candid in the clubhouse about 'doping around.' Unfortunately, teammates always assumed A-Rod was referring to his general appearance.
In Other PED NewsAnother batch of athletes were accused of using illegal performance-enhancing drugs at another clinic. This one's more fun though: Players including Vijay Singh and Ray Lewis the first time those two have ever been mentioned in the same sentence were accused of using deer antler extract to build muscle mass. Authorities first began to suspect Singh of using the deer spray when he casually ate some of the foliage lining the fairway during a PGA tour event. Lewis was able to fly under the radar for longer, as he has been displaying typical 'rutting' behavior before football games for years.
Top Seeds Novak Djokovic And Victoria Azarenko Won The Australian Open#1 ranked men's tennis star Novak Djokovic defeated Andy Murray in four sets to win the Australian Open. His female counterpart, world #1 Victoria Azarenko, also vanquished the field, beating Li Na for her second straight Aussie Open championship. Looks like the real #1 is whoever invented tennis's ranking system, since they totally nailed this one. Good job, Jeff!
The NFL Pro Bowl HappenedThe NFL played its Pro Bowl last Sunday. The event drew surprisingly good television ratings and viewers were thrilled by the competition from start to finish. Oh wait. It appears I was reading stats on Pro Bowling. The Pro Bowl sucked, as usual.
Tiger Woods Won At Torrey PinesThe victory moved Woods to just 7 wins behind Sam Snead for the most PGA wins of all time. "It's a real thrill to be chasing Sam Snead," said Woods in a press conference. Snead's creator, Dr. Seuss couldn't be reached for comment.
Play of the Week:
GUYS. Henrik Harlaut landed something called a "Nose Butter Triple Cork 1620." If that's not the play of the week, I don't know what is. It sounds like a really expensive bourbon. That Dirty Harlaut.