4. Get Beat Up Defending Her Honor
The fastest way to regain your honor is to get knocked around a bit defending hers. It's like romantic comedy math. Almost no screw up is too big to be rectified by a few quick punches right in the kisser. Because you're a man and this is the kind of thing men have to do because movies say so, so shut up and start punching.
If you're pressed for time, just do something you know will definitely get you beat up right away, like steal back a pictures of Mila Kunis' boobs like Jason Segel did in "Forgetting Sarah Marshall." Quick and painful.
If you have infinite time, you can wait for the perfect moment and the perfect target, and really let him have it, like George McFly in "Back to the Future." Bonus: this move can possibly improve your entire future. Guaranteed.
If you want to try this whole fighting thing, but don't want to risk injury at all, be British like Hugh Grant and Colin Firth in "Bridget Jone's Diary." Hot tip: being British generally seems to make life easier.
5. Declare Your Love in an Impassioned Speech
Sometimes the best thing to do is just to be honest about your feelings. And, as every true romantic knows, honesty can only be displayed in the form of a lengthy monologue.
The best plan of action is to call up your neighborhood Academy Award-winning screenwriter, Nora Ephron, and have her compose a little something you can unleash on your livid lovely whenever the mood strikes, like Billy Crystal did in "When Harry Met Sally." It will make it impossible for her to hate you.
Technically, a perfect speech isn't necessary. Colin Firth got away with borderline nonsense in Portuguese in "Love, Actually," but that could be another case of British luck.
It's still probably better to go with the perfectly crafted script approach, like Tom Cruise in "Jerry Maguire." Because then you get to say things like, "You complete me." Those kinds of chances don't come around too often.
6. Admit That, Yes, It All Started as a Lie, But Now It's Real
Oh yeah. Your lover is mad at you. You probably did something terrible. Something, maybe, like winning her heart for a bet, or a magazine article, or a bet? It was probably a bet, right? That definitely comes up a lot. Easy fix: just admit you were a super scumbag sleaze. That's it.
Heath Ledger also had to pull this move in "10 Things I Hate About You" because of teens and Shakespeare. And it worked! He added a gift with his bet winnings, because that's what you do in these situations, of course, but that's really all there was to it. So simple.
Freddy Prinze, Jr. just showed up in a tux in "She's All That." He didn't even say anything particularly heartfelt in his apology. Tux + Truth = Making out by a pool.
Even Kate Hudson wins back Matthew McConaughey by admitting her guilt at the end of "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days." And nobody likes Kate Hudson.
7. Just Show Up Someplace
Clearly, the difficulty of this love stuff has been blown way out of proportion. If you're in trouble with your lover, you can try steps 1-6, but step 7 is really where it's at. If romantic comedies are to be taken as a guide for real life, and they are, then all you need to do is show up at the end to claim your loving girl.
Like Tom Hanks in "Sleepless in Seattle."
Or Whatshisname in "Pretty in Pink."
Or Richard Gere in "Pretty Woman."
If you can't win back your lost love using one of these 7 steps, just keep repeating them. They have to work. Hollywood wouldn't lie. Though maybe you should start using a British accent.