1. These past three months have been great
2. The other night was amazing
3. And now I'm about to have a
4. Isn't that great?!
5. Okay, why aren't you like this?
6. You're not ready for a baby?
7. That's ridiculous, we're in love! You told me you did with this GIF!
8. GIFs do mean something! They're my goddamn job!
9. It will pay enough EVENTUALLY! I just started!
10. And besides, you're getting that raise at HuffPo Style
11. What do you mean it's not a sure thing?!
12. I don't care, I am having this baby
13. This is NOT an option
14. Because I'm Catholic!
15. So what if your cousin and her husband have been trying?! What the fuck are you implying? That I carry my own child for nine months and then just
16. What'll it be, Josh? Are you going to help raise my baby or not?
17. Oh, NOW it's your baby too!
18. I don't care if it's not the best time! I don't care that we don't even truly love each other. We'll learn. For the sake of our unborn child, we will learn, goddammit. You're in this with me for the long haul, Josh. I expect you to be by my side in the delivery room and beyond.
19. Because if we have the cutest, most internet-famous baby, and you're not around to watch it get on Ellen, you'll regret it.
20. You son of a bitch.