Surgeon General’s Warning: Taking a smoke break even though it’s sleeting outside? Hold up for a hot sec, I gotta call the Dictionary General and get him to change the definition of Badass to YOU. Surgeon General’s Warning: Your extended family thinks it's suuuuper considerate when you take smoke breaks during Christmas dinner. Surgeon General’s Warning: Smokers smell uh-MAZING! It's truly a wonder no one has yet to bottle it up and sell it as a fragrance. Now THERE'S a million dollar idea. Surgeon General’s Warning: You obviously have more than enough money to support an unnecessary addiction. How else could you afford that fleece your parents bought you from Costco? Surgeon General’s Warning: Oh, you’re not a smoker smoker. Just when you drink, right? And that’s only, y’know, like 6 days a week. Yeah, no, I get it. You’re totally not a smoker. Surgeon General’s Warning: Whoa man, you look really tough right now, and pretty cool too, and I should know. I’m a Surgeon AND a General, so I know cooltoughs when I see’s em. ***Surgeon General's Warning: I thought rugged-ass Cowboys were a thing of the past. But here you are, in the flesh, about to smoke a friggin American Spirit. You're just so... vintage. Surgeon General’s Warning: Has anyone ever told you that you look like a young James Dean when you smoke? No, I’m serious. You do. Cool wall lean and all. Just make sure you leave some ladies for the rest of us, stud. Surgeon General’s Warning: Someone with such strong resolve and willpower like yourself could never get addicted to nicotine. Chemical dependency? Pffft! You're the epitome of self-discipline. Surgeon General’s Warning: You know what? Maybe YOU should be the Surgeon General instead, seeing as you’re so healthy and smart and make such great life decisions all the time.