Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
A How To Guide for Idioms
March 8, 2013
How to kill two birds with one stone:
Step 1: Find a decently sized rock.Step 2: Drive to pet store that sells birds.Step 3: Take rock and kill one bird in pet store with it. (Because their wings are clipped, they won't be able to escape)Step 4: Using same rock, kill a second bird.
How to Pay the Piper:
Step 1: Hire a Piper to get rats out of your city.Step 2: Watch as he succeeds.Step 3: Pay him for doing his job so he doesn't kidnap your children.
How to Shoot Fish in a Barrel: (It's Easy!)
Step 1: Purchase a barrel.Step 2: Drive to pet store.Step 3: Be denied entry because the last time you were there, you killed two of their birds with a rock.Step 4: Drive to different pet store.Step 5: Purchase several fish.Step 6: Put fish into barrel.Step 7: Purchase shotgun.Step 8: Shoot fish.
How to Count Your Chickens Before They Hatch:
Step 1: Count your chickens.Step 2: Count the total number of eggs laid by your chickens.Step 3: Add the total number of eggs to your total number of chickens.
How to fuck bitches, get money:
Step 1: Find some bitches.Step 2: Fuck them.Step 3: Get a job (you lazy bum).Step 4: Receive Paycheck.
How To Make Your Bed and Lie in it:
Step 1: Make Bed.Step 2: Lie in that motherfucker.
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