6. Why do they enslave kids to work in the mine when they have hundreds of fully-grown men?

The Temple of Doom cult abducts every child from the nearby villages and forces them to dig in their mines to find the last two Shankara Stones. Not to be an armchair cultlord here, but the cult also employs dozens of GIANT dudes to whip the mining children, another hundred or so devout worshippers, and another hundred (highly inaccurate-shooting) soldiers — why don't the adults just dig in the mines themselves and leave the kids alone? Wouldn't that be a million times more effective AND a million times less evil? Who's managing their books, Lord Grantham from Downton??? (UP TOP, MATTHEW CRAWLEY FANS!)


7. After two movies, Indy is STILL skeptical about magic stories

At the beginning of Last Crusade, Dr. Jones is approached by the antiquities collector Walter Donovan, who shows him numerous new artifacts indicating the possible location of the Holy Grail, and Indy is immediately dismissive of these "Bedtime Stores". Indiana has seen the Ark of the Covenant melt a hundred dudes and a shaman rip a man's heart out and keep him alive, but he's STILL instantly dismissive of farfetched legends?

"Nahhh, nice try, Donovan, but that ghost-box and the voodoo castle were the only two INSANELY MAGICAL THINGS that this rational archaeologist believes in. Oh look, a talking unicorn is handing me the key to the City of Atlantis. Nice try, Unicorn-o, but Atlantis is a myth!"


8. Was the Knight's Tomb in Venice three feet under a cafe that whole time?

On his quest to find the Grail, Indy digs under the floor of a library, braves an underground canal full of rats and eventually-flaming petroleum, copies an inscription on the knight's tomb, then escapes the fire by coming up through a manhole cover in the middle of a Venetian cafe. It's a fun moment, but once you stop "enjoying this enjoyable movie" and overthink it, does this mean that the coveted Knight's Tomb harboring the location of the Holy Grail — which Henry Jones Sr. spent his entire life seeking and which was guarded for centuries by a group of dudes in Fezzes led by Frank Zappa — was three feet under a Venetian cafe this whole time? And crawling through 8 trillion rats to reach it was completely unnecessary?

"Ehh, but the manhole cover was pretty heavy, and it already had a table over it with a sugar packet under one of the legs to balance it out, and we would've felt like jerks moving that, so we went the other 'flaming rats' way…"


9. If the hint is "kneel," what the hell is the second blade for?

In the cave where the Grail is kept, Indy uses clues from his father's diary to navigate the "Three Challenges," and deduces from the first clue — "Only the penitent man will pass" — that the 'penitent man' is humbled before God and therefore he kneels, and Indiana kneels at the last second before a spinning blade just misses chopping his head off. Success!

EXCEPT! There's also a SECOND BLADE along the ground (see the above GIF) that Indy has to roll past before jamming the mechanism with his whip. If the correct hint was "Kneel," what dickhead stuck that cheap-ass second blade there?? "Don't you know, the 'penitent man' kneels before God then nimbly somersaults closer to God then uses the whip of his faith to jam the gears of unbelieving?"

How many people before Indy correctly knelt then got killed by the floor-blade? The knight who designed that unclear, unfair piece of shit was the medieval ancestor of your friend who played as Oddjob and always guarded the Body Armor in N64 Goldeneye.


10. This Nazi covering his face before driving off a cliff

Alright, technically this wasn't a moment that 'bothered' me so much as one that makes me laugh every time I see it, but my favorite easily-missable moment in Raiders is this Nazi driver getting bumped off the road by Indy and bracing himself by slightly covering his face before FALLING OFF A NINE MILLION FOOT HIGH CLIFF.

The only thing that would make this part better is if the Nazi pulled out a tiny umbrella, Wile E. Coyote style, landed at the bottom of the cliff in a puff of smoke, then a "Waahhhh woowwww" sound effect played as the cartoonishly mangled Nazi came out of the pile of rubble, gave a thumbs-up, then his teeth cracked and he keeled over. Actually, I'm pretty sure that's an actual scene in the Fourth movie. But my memory's spotty.

So that's it! That's the ten. Oh, also, everything Kate Capshaw says or does in Temple Of Doom. But turning that into GIFs would've used up the remainder of the entire internet's bandwith.

Other parts in the Indiana Jones movies that always bothered you, confused you, or scarred you as a child? Feel free to leave 'em in the comments!