Whether you're just going out for a drink, planning a cool trip, or solving horrible murders- a best friend can make any experience more fun. But although you may know who your best friend is- are you aware of exactly what type of BF they are? To help you make the determination here are 7 common types of Best Friends.
a.k.a "The Bad Influence"
Hey Buddy! Guess what time it is! What? No! Not time for you to finish that work. It's Shots'o'Clock. I understand it's due tomorrow- but what I understand it's due tomorrow- but what you don't seem to understand is that it is Shots'o'Clock. Sorry man- but just because you're my best friend doesn't mean I can change the fundamental laws of time and space and make it not time to go to this party.
I get it! I get it! You "can't". But the last time we pre-gamed with a power-hour and you ended up throwing up on that police horse you said, and I quote, "Never again." So we skipped the power hour! Or at least you did- and I'm not laying a guilt trip on you! That's me meeting you half way! So please don't make me seem like an idiot for assuming you'd do the same, and pound this beer and let's go!
We'll just have one drink and then we'll leave! Or maybe two or six. Whichever. We'll play it by ear. Which reminds me- have you ever tried absinthe?
a.k.a "The Brother from Another Mother"
Hey bro, I'm about to go grab something to eat, just wondering if you wanted a HERTZ DONUT?! Get it? 'Cause I punched you And said Hertz Donut which sounds like "hurts, doesn't it?" and What's up man? You used to think that joke was hilarious! That was like the single funniest thing that year in camp. Rmember when we set that canoe on fire with those fireworks my dad sent me? [sigh] Good times.
Seriously though- why so grouchy? Are you still upset about Sarah? Seriously man- forget her. She's not worth it. You're way better than she deserves- and I'm going to make a promise to you right now. If I see that slimy little jerk who snuck in there and thieved her away from you dude is getting head-butted.
That's not idle talk bro. I'm giving you one of my world famous- head butt guarantees. If I see him I will face smash his face with my face. It's gonna be a thunder-dome of domes. Two foreheads enter One forehead leaves. Well actually both probably leave but one is dinged up! Hopefully not mine but you never can tell. And I am willing to take that risk. Because I know that you only get one best friend- and TWO FOR FLINCHING!
a.k.a. "Your Other Half"
Morning roomie! Did you see that picture I posted on your wall? The Goat meme? I mean- I figured I could probably wait until you got up and show you but I was like, "Goat meme? Uuuuuh- You know who HAS to see this? My friggin' best BUD that's who!" Anyway- check it out. It's hilarious.
What was not hilarious? That stupid girl at the bar last night. The one who kept calling us the Wonder Twins. I was like, "Um We're obviously not twins dummy We're just wearing almost the exact same clothes". And why wouldn't we? If we've figured out the best possible thing to wear it's like- yeah we're definitely going to wear it. We'd be idiots not to. I mean, right? Don't you think so?
She got so heated when you told her she was just mad because she was dressed like a middle school bus driver. I didn't even totally get what that meant but it was clearly a third degree burn. Anyway- what are we up to tonight?
a.k.a. "The Swiss Army Friend"
Hey buddy. So I was thinking about your problem and I think you should turn tell them you're interested in the job- but that they've got to sweeten the deal a little before you sign anything. I did a little research and the market pays more than they offered you. No need to thank me- just looking out for my friend.
Are you still getting that couch this weekend? I'm telling you- do not waste your money on getting it delivered. It'll fit in my truck, or worst case scenario we can strap it to the roof and just hope we don't run into any cops. Yeah man, no sweat. What are friends for right?
Oh also- your friend Lisa still thinks my name is "Gunther". I didn't say anything at the time cause I didn't want to ruin your joke but we've all hung out like 3 times and then she and I got drinks and well I'm starting to feel like maybe it's creepy she doesn't know my name. I had been hoping maybe you'd tell her you were joking but don't sweat it! I'll take care of it. Gunther's got this one under control.
a.k.a. "The So-Close-Yet-So-SO-Far"
I can't believe he did this! He knew how important tonight was to me, and not only is he late he doesn't even call?! God! Guys are such pigs! Not you Tom. You're different I mean our almost not even a guy No! I didn't mean that in like an insulting way- I just mean you're not some old guy you're special.
But what about tonight?! Am I supposed to show up with no date? I'll look you like an idiot! I mean I guess I could bring you as my date I t might seem weird. People know how much I talk about you- I tell them, "My best friend Tom is literally the best guy in the world. Any girl would be really, really lucky to have him." So they'll probably see us show up and think "I knew it!." But that's just Hold on! Greg's calling!
Hello? Oh! No I hadn't noticed. Okay- well- hurry or else we're going to be really late. No, it's okay. No I do. No I do. Okay, bye.
Greg's coming! He just forgot it was tonight, but he's on his way. So I don't' need you to come after all. But thanks for the offer! You really are the best. You really are more than a just a friend. You're more like my brother, you know?
a.k.a. "The Super Casual and Depressing"
Oh! Hey there! How was your weekend? Anything exciting happen? You and the wife No wait- you're not married. Girlfriend? Dog? Iguana! That's right! Well I suppose you probably didn't do anything to exciting with that Iguana, but it was a beautiful weekend, huh?
So listen- about that game you have tickets for That's a really generous offer- but I feel like I wouldn't feel comfortable taking those tickets off your hand unless you let me give you some cash for them. I just- oh. We'd be going together. I see. I'm sorry- I totally misunderstood. Well- thanks! Again- very generous! But a once in a lifetime game like tonight- I feel like maybe you'd want to invite someone well I appreciate you saying that- and yeah we have gotten friendly. Sure. Friends yeah. Best friends? Boy That's uh That's quite the statement. I'm flattered. And uh honored. And uh a little sad. But sure- let's uh head to the game friend.
a.k.a. "The Psychotic Break"
They just don't get it. They don't see the beauty of a friendship like ours. "It's not healthy" they say. "You need to talk to someone about this." "You have to start taking your anti-psychotics again." But what they don't understand is no one gets you like I do. And to make them understand- you need to do the only logical, rational thing there is to do in a situation like this. Burn down the O.T.B. Sure- Dr. Leonard will be mad, but he's always mad anyway. And with any luck- by the time they find us the time travel pill will be perfected and we can go back to the one day that will set right the course of history and teach that old Smarty-Pants doctor he's not as smart as he thinks he is Yup. Oscar Night, 1974. And You and I will both make sure Randy Quaid gets that Oscar if it's the LAST thing we do. They think they can tell us we're too old for the ball pit? When We bought that cheeseburger just like all those other kids! Everyone may be against us- but at least we've got each other. Now let's go bite that mailman!