The fact that marijuana can inspire creativity and original thought would be hard to argue against. From Bob Marley to Bell Bottoms, highdeas have changed our world mostly for the better. When I have found myself high – always by accident – I, too, have experienced rushes of creativity. My mind pours out brilliant ideas that I am careful to e-mail to myself lest they be forgotten and our world remain unchanged. Here are eight selections that I think will highlight the depth of my brilliance to all who read them.

Cheesy Meat Donuts

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Just imagine a warm donut filled with cheesy meat and glazed with – wait for it – salt. So it's basically a jelly donut instead filled with piping hot meat and cheese and covered in some sort of liquid salt (which would be better at complimenting the meat than a sugar glaze). I have been looking for a fatter way to eat a sandwich for years now and I think this might be it.

Also, just realizing that this is basically a Hot Pocket.

Telescopes that Make Things Smaller

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Turns out some other stoned person had thought of this and called it a microscope. Another brilliant idea stolen out from under me by someone hundreds of years ago.

Magnetic dog leash

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Here's an example of me trying to create a more costly, less effective solution to a problem that doesn't exist: needing a better dog leash. I think the idea was that a dog would wear a magnetic collar which would be attracted to a magnetic handle the owner was holding. I believe I also thought that one could adjust the length of the invisible leash with some sort of sliding knob. If built, I'm also certain this would result in a lot of dogs having their necks broken. I think that one Breaking Bad with the magnets had just aired which would explain my fascination with magnetized things here.

Cinnominis

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This isn't so much an idea as it is the name of a snack that doesn't exist. I guess it would have to be cinnamon flavored and pretty small, but that's as far as I got. Anyone?

Camouflaged Toilets

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No, not toilets that you can't see. Toilets that have camo patterns painted on the inside of a bowl. Why are we all using white toilets that clearly show how dirty they are? I don't want to pull up to toilet and see what the person before me left behind any more than you want to see what I've left behind. So let's just hide it! But then how will we know they're dirty, you ask? They're toilets. People shit in them. I think we can assume that they're dirty all the time.

MDMA Bullets

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Great news, I've just solved war. Lead bullets lead to the death of our enemies, which leads to new enemies in the form of the dead person's loved ones. With this revolutionary ballistic our enemies would find themselves pierced with a small syringe filled with pure MDMA. Instead of rolling on the ground bleeding, they'll be rolling on the ground feeling the grass. And just plain rolling, too. They'll be thrilled with the outcome and probably develop warm feelings of intimacy with not only their fellow soldiers, but also with our troops. I wouldn't be surprised if in a few months after the deployment of MDMA bullets, enemy fighters are trying to get shot by our army.

Ice Half Pipe

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I must have been watching X-Games or something when this idea came up. I felt bad for ice skaters who don't really get to partake in any sort of extreme sport. Why? Because ice skates only work on ice. So then I thought, why not build a huge half pipe out of ice and let them skate on that? They could do tricks like rollerbladers do except that if they happened to fall, they would almost certainly die. What could go wrong?

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One of the worst highdeas I've ever had.