March Madness is here The time of year when you throw your good money at the hopeless task of winning an NCAA Tournament Pool. Let's face it, you'll never win. But at least you can know what you're up against.
I'll show you mine if you show me yours. The Pollster will do whatever it takes to get a peek at your bracket. They'll gather as much information as possible and go against the popular picks in a few select spots. This gives them the chance to distance themselves from the pack. If someone is a known pollster, create a fake bracket to share with them. Mess with their head whenever possible. Pollsters are close relatives of the Buzzer Beaters (more on them later).
They collect the money, keep track of the points, issue weekly updates and do it all with a smile. Beware the Commissioner. They will never show anyone their bracket and yet somehow always manage to be in excellent shape after the first weekend of the tournament. Watch them carefully.
You know the type. They spend every free minute watching college basketball in preparation of cleaning up come tournament time. They will enter as many pools as possible, agonize for days over their brackets, turn them in at the last possible moment and probably finish dead last. The golden rule of NCAA Tournament pools the more time you spend on your bracket, the worse you will do.
This person picks four number one seeds to the Final Four (it's only happened once) and then lords it over you that "all of my Final Four teams are still alive" after the first weekend of the tournament. The odds of all four number seeds making the Final Four this year are slimmer than ever, so you can return the taunting when they flame out after the second weekend of the tournament. This is also the default pick for your grandma who knows nothing about basketball.
A soul mate to the #1 Seed. The Upset Special will go against the grain as much as possible, loading up their Sweet 16 with 12 and 14 seeds. They will be wrong 99% of the time and their bracket will be shot by day two of the tournament. This will not stop them from gloating non-stop about the one upset they got right.
No matter the odds, they pick their alma mater to win it all and show up wearing their school sweatshirt on day one of the tourney. By halftime of their team's first game that sweatshirt has been thrown in the corner and they are howling at the TV. By the end of the game, they have shredded their bracket and sworn off basketball for life. Yes, I'm looking at you Missouri fans.
Share a kinship with the Pollster. They will survey all posted tournament brackets and then turn their picks in 30 seconds before the first game starts. Strangely enough they will be the only person to pick a certain team to win the title, more or less guaranteeing victory if their pick wins out.
No matter what you do, you are playing for second. The Clueless Killer knows nothing about basketball and makes their picks based on uniforms, where their uncle went to college and cities they'd like to visit. The Clueless Killer could be an office secretary, your friend's girlfriend or even your grandma. And they will win the pool every time.
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