By Mike Trapp
American Revolution Pong
Image: Overhead shot of a table. One side has 9 cups in a line, the other has 5 scattered all over their half of the table.
1. One team plays the British, with nine cups in a straight line. The other plays the Americans starting with only 5 cups arranged in whatever formation they like.
2. Once per game the British side may add one “Hessian Soldier” beer to their ranks, provided that the beer is German in origin.
3. Once every five minutes the Americans can add one beer to their ranks. They may do this five times.
4. Accents and patriotic songs highly encouraged.
Hungry Hungry Hippong
Image: Overhead shot of table. Normal cup formation on each side, but there’s a whole bunch of balls whizzing around.
1. Each side has 50 balls. You do not take turns. You can throw as many balls as you want as fast as you want.
2. Play ends when both sides have thrown all balls, all of one side’s cups have been sunk, or three minutes have passed.
3. The winner is whichever team sinks the most cups in three minutes, or the first team to sink all their opponents’ cups.
4. Loser has to pick up all the balls.
Russian Roulette Pong
Image: Overhead shot of table. Each side has six cups arranged in a circle.
1. Each side has five cups of water and one cup of vodka.
2. Your opponent does not know which is which.
3. If your opponent hits your vodka cup, you lose, and perhaps also get alcohol poisoning.
Settlers of Catanked
Image: Overhead shot of table. Each side has cups arranged on a hexagonal playing field like Settlers of Catan. Cards and small playing pieces litter the table.
1. Okay, each side has 19 beers of 6 different varieties, the stouts represent mountain, the wheat beers represent fields, the... are you paying attention?
2. No, it only SOUNDS like a lot of rules. You’ll get the hang of it really fast, and it’s a lot of fun once you start playing.
3. I’m not going to apologize for winning. It’s your fault you weren’t paying attention to the rules.
4. No, YOU’RE being too competitive.
Image: POV shot of half the table. Beers are arranged in a line. Over them sits a big plinko board.
1. Works just like regular pong, but the ball has to travel through a plinko board before it hits the cups.
2. Remember to spay and neuter your pets.
Image: Overhead shot of table. Normal cup formation, but one cup on each side is black.
1. Each side will have one cup with a visibly different beer inside -- the wormhole.
2. If either team hits the wormhole cup, teams switch places instead of drinking.
3. Take a moment to consider your life as if you were this other person. If there are infinite universes, then a universe exists where this is true.
Image: Overhead shot of table. Each side has 26 cups.
1. Each team sets up 26 cups of water.
2. Everyone drinks 13 cups and wonders if this is REALLY how much water they say you should drink in a day, because it seems like a lot.
3. It is.