Welcome back to Roommate Confessions, the column where we share the worst stuff you've done to your roommate. If you think you can top these stories, confess your sins at the bottom of this page.

Roommate Confessions: String Cheese and Hamburger Buns - Image 1


My roommate from last year purposefully ostracized me from my newly made friends and bad mouthed me because she got annoyed when my boyfriend visited me (he was around exactly 4 days per month). It was very difficult to make new friends. She made that year hell. So, when my boyfriend needed to brush his teeth after going down on me, I kindly let him use her toothbrush. Multiple times. Eat that you manipulative b*!$%.-Anonymous

Hey Alan, you know how I gave you discounted rent for the month you crashed at my place, because we were sort of friends last year? And you know how I didn't even mind when you consumed my food and beer without contributing anything to the household? And do you remember that time I asked for a ride down the street and you tried to charge me ten dollars for "gas money?" Oh and do you recall that time I fucked one of your friends on your futon and then came, on your futon? Well I did.-Anonymous

Remember that time I accused you of getting diarrhea on the bottom of the toilet seat? And how I told every single person that came into our room that you pooped on the toilet? And remember how I wrote that note that said I was going to poop in your bed if you didn't clean the toilet seat? And remember how you cleaned it but wouldn't own up to it? Well, I didn't quite poop on your bed, but I definitely managed to squeeze SOMETHING out onto your pillowcase. Sweet dreams, Dave.-Anonymous

I use your hair dryer on my balls every time I get out of the shower.-Anonymous

Even though you grew up in an Alabama town of maybe 20 and im guessing never had an actual toilet, you still should know what the hell that little lever does. You never flushed… ever! So when I got the job as an RA, and got to move into my own big ass private dorm room, i got the great idea to pull an upper decker before i left(crap in the back part of the toilet). i hope you enjoyed the constant smell of shit…. and if you ever found it, i hope it was fun to clean. FLUSH THE DAMN TOILET!-Anonymous

You're the most vile person I've ever met. You should probably know that once your girlfriend moved in, we made fun of you. She said "Have you ever heard of the tit dick? The one that looks like a nipple? His is only slightly bigger than that." She also said that your dick is the only thing on you that doesn't look like a dick. She told everyone how you cried the first time you had sex because you thought your mom was going to find out when she washed your sheets. Hi, Mrs. N! :D-Anonymous

I ate the last string cheese. Sorry man.-Anonymous

A few years ago my roomate needed to borrow my truck for a work related roadtrip. He let me use his car while he was gone. After a night out drinking I accidenally backed into another car in the IHOP parking lot. When my roomate got back into town I told him that someone had hit it when I wasn't around. I didn't even help him pay to get it fixed. I still feel bad about it.-Anonymous

Remember that one night when you passed out and shat your pants, but could not figure how the poop had gotten on the outside of your boxers? Cheers.-Anonymous

You fed me moldy hamburger buns. I fed you my pubes.-Anonymous