Welcome to Roommate Confessions, the column where we share the worst stuff you've done to your roommate. If you think you can top these stories, confess your sins at the bottom of this page.

I Farted On Your Face While You Slept - Image 3

I farted on your face every chance I got while you were asleep. You would wake up with headaches.- Anonymous

I was able to tolerate you being the most awkward person ever, the fact that you never brushed your teeth, and your ugly girlfriend's visits during finals weeks. But the last straw was when you got really drunk and pissed on my brand new jacket. So, I waited patiently until the end of the year – when I pooped in your shoes. And then called your parents to tell them never to buy their fat son alcohol again because he'll just get drunk, pee on jackets, and have sex with his fat and ugly girlfriend. It's been nice seeing you get fatter and fatter by the day this year!- Anonymous

Don't know who you were but one day a friend and I decided to take out the three-man sling-shot and pelted the dorm building from across with 30 yogurts, then we threw the remainder 7 onto the roof of your Lexus until the entire top was covered in pink and purple goo. Later that night I could hear your screams of rage from the other side of the building.- Anonymous

My roommate last year was this huge dbag that just would go out and get drunk come home with random people and eat our food, put holes in our walls, and play loud terrible music all night. So one night after one of his drunken rampages he passed out so me and my other roommate went into his room and pulled his pants down and put hot sause on his butt and opend a condom and put lotion on it. When he woke up he didnt tell any one what happend for a month and then told us one day that he had been seeing a shrink because he was raped one night by one of the random people he brought back to our house.- Anonymous

Freshman year I lived in a dorm with 3 other guys. 2 were real chill dudes, but there was one mega douche bag (who will here on out be called Marvin). The only reason we didn't beat his ass 24/7 is he would always buy drinks for parties and so on. Anyways, he would do the weirdest shit like steal our condoms (even though he was a virgin and only used them to masturbate) and try to spy on us having sex with our girlfriends. We took it for a while, but one day my buddy found a video camera in his room set to record. That was it, we formed a brain trust to get this pervert back 100 times worse. He had this pull up bar on his doorframe that he would always use to try and get girls (even though he could only do about 3). The day before a party, we unscrewed all the screws, stripped them, and pushed them back into the wall. What this basically meant was the bar would stay up by itself, but the only support it had was the equivalent of some thumbtacks. The stage was set. Later that not, we invited some hotties over and like clockwork he tried to impress them with some pull-ups. As soon as his weight was on the bars, he fell on his ass. Did I mention we coated the ground in sex lube? He tried to stand up again just to fall down. By now the entire party was laughing their ass of at him, but it wasn't enough. We had been giving him minutes doses of estrogen in his beers over the night. We convinced one of the girls to take him back to his room, only to find out he can't get it up. Now he has a brand new nickname, "limp dick". Don't try and spy on me just cause you can't get any, limp dick.- Anonymous

I couldn't tell you why, but when I was cleaning out the bathroom, I took out your favorite bottle of vodka and poured some of it into your expensive face cream. I don't know what it'll do, and I don't care since I won't see you anymore. You see, I think I caught some of your hypocrisy and two-facedness and it got the best of me. Have a nice life, you stupid bitch. (I hope you learn how to flush the toilet one day.)- Anonymous

hey professor…remember failing me??? Well, it was I that took every pull out subscription order form that I could find and filled your name out and the school address and checked the bill me later box. It was sooooooo funny to see you get those 30 magazines from different companies such as Hustler, Busty, Readers Digest, Guns and Ammo, ohhhhh and those plate collections and Barack Obama commerative coins were the best. Enjoy them asshole cause the bills are a coming…..- Anonymous

Hey dipshit…even though your like 40 something…or at least look it, I wanted to let you know how much you suck when you would always hog the community TV in the dorm break/game room. You seem to always beat us in there and watch these stupid western movies instead of what we want to watch. And you always drink so much that by 11pm you pass out. So yeah, that was me that called the campus police (911) at 11:45 p.m. that night and told them that I was overdosing from a bottle of sleeping pills. You never even moved even though I was calling from the TV room that you passed out in. Crazy huh that you starting fighting the 4 cops and 6 firefighters that responed to "save your life". OMG I pissed myself laughing so hard once they tried to get an IV in your arm. Also, so sorry you were later arrested for battery on a police officer. Guess you shouldn't hog the tv room and pass out from being so drunk…asshole.- Anonymous