So I went into the Facebook gift shop to see what sort of gay gifts they had on sale for one dollar. I couldn't believe they expected COLLEGE KIDS, educated people to buy something that had absolutely no use whatsoever. And then I remembered greeting cards, so it made a little sense.

But I was not prepared for this:

How do you sell out of something that requires no finite materials? How can you run out of a picture of a teddy bear?! I could copy and paste that little son of a bitch and solve that problem. Oooh, but wait, it even states the designer… now that is one top-shelf piece of shit vector image. Do you buy your friends designer gifts? Well now you can.

You can buy them a worthless piece of shit designer vector image that resembles something cute or precious- you know, something they wish you'd give them in real life.

And then it hit me: make the gift giving useful!

One idea: herpes

Yeah, herpes! And to think, you used to have so much trouble breaking the news to those drunken one-night stands! Now it just takes five clicks and a dollar! To make them feel a little better, it will even state the designer:

Now they will know. Now EVERYBODY will know! Just think of all those chicks you planned on banging… once you see this, it will really narrow things down!

But wait, what if you don't want everybody to know that you're the one who gave them herpes?! Don't worry my friend, the Internets understand your need for privacy. But not theirs.

Now they've got that little herpes icon perched on their web page like they've got those bumps perched on their Hush-hush parts.

Hey, in the future everybody will know every thing about everybody. Including every thing on their body.

Zack L.