1. Select an avatar that would undoubtedly be the first picture someone trying to impersonate you would use for their "parody" account.
2. Write a really confusing bio, assuming everyone knows who you are.
3. Tweet nonsense.
4. Amass a ton of followers.
5. Promote something that you care about, but none of your followers are remotely interested in.
6. Retweet girls that all of your followers are incredibly interested in.
7. Unapologetically flirt.
8. Unapologetically apologize.
9. Misuse hashtags.
10. Whatever this is.
Alex Watt is on Twitter, Tumblr and an ego trip.