Welcome to Roommate Confessions, the column where we share the worst stuff you've done to your roommate. If you think you can top these stories, confess your sins at the bottom of this page.

I Spit on My Familys Food

Every time my family pisses me off, (since i make most of their food) i usually spit a giant loogie in it. And evil smile proceeds >:3- i-fuck-ligers

So I had a guy over in our room late one night after I had been drinking with some friends. The guy and I played truth or dare, and I dared him to put on a pair of your underwear. Well he totally did it then put the underwear back in your drawer, so you would have never suspected anything. Ha ha, bitch.- Rachel

Hi Roomie!! Remember telling all those people about my fictional eating disorder? Or letting your alarm go off for 4 hours every Saturday, continuously waking me from my hungover slumber? Ooh and what about the time you told me, in all seriousness, that I'm going to die next year? Good times, girlie. Good times. These beautiful memories are nothing compared to the next one, though. Do you remember all of the racial and homophobic slurs you made? Probably not because you were plastered. Everyone on campus however, will never forget those remarks because I stealthily videotaped the entirety of your drunken rant and showed the clip to everybody. Maybe that's why you are treated like a social leper… or maybe you're shunned because you're CRAZY.- Anonymous

One evening I attempted to pass out, after bar close so I wasn't bailing out early, only to be anitqued (being pelted with flour) by my neighbor. So I had to get my revenge. Several months later it suddenly it came to me. My roommate used a dildo (actually labeled butt plug on the package) to be some type of perverted gynechologist for Halloween this year. So I borrowed his dildo and I applied some super glue to the base of the dildo and pressed it onto the passenger side door of his rusty Ford Explorer. I used the passenger side so that he wouldn't see it getting into his car. He drove with it on there for a couple of days before he was pulled over and the cop made him remove it. Along with the removal of the dildo was the removal of some paint and rust. I consider us even, I wish the flour came out of my blanket, sheets, pillows, carpet and alarm clock and easy as the dildo and paint came off your car.- Anonymous

You've been trouble since before day 1. Days before semester started and you already picked a fight with Neilson, and you told us about it as if you didn't know why it happened. And ever since you bought your speakers(or as you say "borrowed"), you've been a real big headache to us. You'd blast music at the most inconvenient of times. No scratch that, all the fucking time! Nonetime! None of us can sleep peacefully, I can't even hear what my mom's saying over the phone, and one of us has been getting headaches due to the heavy bass. We tried being nice and warned you subtly, but you'd never listen. So, guess what we did while you were away for the tuition free week? We entered your room using the RA's master key, threw away the speakers and forged a letter from Student Services saying that your "speakers have been confiscated and if you disturb the peace one more time, you'll be made to terminate your education here" and placed it neatly on your bed. Stop being selfish and get a pair of headphones next time and you can be as deaf as you want to be. Oh everyone hates you by the way! From the RA, to campus security, staff, your classmates.. EVERYONE.- Anonymous

Hey suite mate with whom i share a bathroom, you know how you love to blast your stereo that you constantly brag hits about 100 db at all hours? Well the other night i had to go to the bathroom and stumbled to find the light switch i instead knocked your coffee maker into the toilet. When i found the light i turned it on to find that you had not flushed the toilet like usual. This isn't the first time that this happened, the same thing 'happened' your soap and washcloth and razor. You've been using it all finals week hope you dont catch anything man!- Anonymous

Hey suite mate with whom i share a bathroom, you know how you love to blast your stereo that you constantly brag hits about 100 db at all hours? Well the other night i had to go to the bathroom and stumbled to find the light switch i instead knocked your coffee maker into the toilet. When i found the light i turned it on to find that you had not flushed the toilet like usual. This isn't the first time that this happened, the same thing 'happened' your soap and washcloth and razor. You've been using it all finals week hope you dont catch anything man!- Anonymous

Hey Bryan, do you remember when you called me a pathetic loser, and said I could never bag a girl to save my life? Well, I wish I could say I banged your mom, girlfriend, and sister in revenge… but your an only child, your mom looks like a dude, and you can't even SPEAK to women. I DID, however, make sweet sweet love to your pillow, towel, and laptop… weekly… all year. it turns out you don't drool in your sleep!- Anonymous

I stare at my roommate while she sleeps. I like to guess what she is dreaming about by the way she is breathing. In fact I'm watching her right now……shallow exhales. Narwhal mating.- Anonymous