From Caldwell Tanner on
By Caldwell Tanner
How to Prepare for a (Netflix) Marathon I'm imagining this as as simple, step-by-step comic guide. In the background are obvious signs that other people are training for a real marathon 1. Find a Motivation - Marathons are hard work, and if you attempt to run without a proper source of inspiration, you'll never finish! Image: Guy covering ears while people loudly talk about a show at lunch. Everyone is speaking with speech bubbles that are being censored with giant SPOILERS tags. 2. Get the Right Gear - Procuring the proper footwear is crucial to your success. The more support, the better! Image: Guy is holding a pair of ridiculously fuzzy, thick socks. He is wearing sweatpants and a tee shirt that reads "BattleStar Galacti-thon '09" 3. Stick to a Schedule - You'll have a much easier time on race day if you find a program (there are several online that are free to use) and follow its instructions. Image: A laptop screen that says "Please update microsoft silverlight now" 4. Eat Right - Be sure to carbo-load before the marathon begins; you'll need this extra energy to see you through the race. Image: A picture of a guy's computer. He has put a pizza box over it with a rectangular hole cut out to allow the screen to be viewed. 5. Stretch Often - The more flexible you are, the greater your endurance will become! Image: A guy is reaching for a pack of oreos on the floor of his bedroom ... He is sweating and his face looks tense. On the nightstand there is a two liter bottle of coke. 6. Spread the Word - Keep friends and co-workers updated on your progress. Their encouraging words will help you on your journey. Image: Guy is posting a status to facebook: "About to start the marathon, wish me luck!" One friend responds with "Wow congrats!", "Proud of U!" and "Last time I saw you you could barely walk up stairs, way 2 turn your life around!" 7. Now You're Ready! Remember to pace yourself, and above all, have fun! Image: Guy looking SUPER TIRED at 3 AM, the only light is from his laptop. He has a gross stubble beard and doesn't even look happy. The two liter of coke is now subtly filled with pee. 8. Victory - Always remember, the best part about finishing a marathon is getting to brag about to everyone you know. Guy talking loudly about a show at lunch. Everyone is speaking with speech bubbles that are being censored with giant SPOILERS tags. Another person now angrily covers their ears.