Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
Your 12 Weirdly Specific New Favorite Things (According to Buzzfeed)
June 14, 2013
Now, I know it's hard to choose a favorite leaping giant. There are just so many all of them great. And I know what you're thinking: Gheorghe Mureșan is certainly everyone's favorite. The man is a treasure on the court
on the silver screen. How could anyone be better than the titular star of
? By being Jeff Withey, that's how. Sorry Gheorghe!
Move over, Honey Possums, there's a new mammal in town! I know you were excited out of the over 5,000 different species of mammal (including humans), I had selected you as my favorite, but it turns out you're not as cool as beluga whales, who are apparently the corgis of the ocean. I think this is because they live in the ocean, and people on the Internet will fake enthusiasm for them in order to seem cute or funny or something. But don't worry, Honey Possums, you can still be my favorite marsupial.
I can remember in high school my friends and I were the
violin nerds. We used to stay up late debating the merits of our favorite violin players. My friends were always trying to convince me to join the Giuseppe Tartini camp, but there's something that always just drew me to Itzhak Perlman. Until today. Looks like he'll be playing second fiddle to Charlie Siem from now on.
Move over again, Honey Possums! I guess you won't have the title of favorite marsupial after all. As a consolation prize I award you the title of "Favorite Mini Animal."
It used to be that you could tell what kind of person someone was by whether they were a "Zooey Deschanel Tumblr" person, or whether they were a "Alicia Keys Tumblr" person. Sometimes it seemed like every conversation on the Internet would eventually devolve into which of these was the better celeb tumblr. Now, of course, these factions have united under everyone's fave celeb tumblr: Kate Walsh's.
Well, fuck, Honey Possums, it is not your day! It seems that even the very specific title of "Favorite Mini Animal" isn't safe. How about "Favorite Animal to Talk about with Friends"? Does that work for you?
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. did some amazing things, but one thing he did not do is write the song "No Pussy Blues." That's why he's going to have to pass the mantle of "favorite person" (which I assume includes all people who have ever lived and died, including my parents and close friends) to singer/songwriter Nick Cave.
Eat a dick, "Everybody Hurts."
The New Yorker
Go to hell, literally every other sport! I've had a great time going to games, obsessively compiling statistics of my favorite players, and bonding with strangers immediately over the shared joy of watching "our" team win. But I'm going to put all that behind me because I watched some teenagers juggle at each other, and it was mildly interesting. It's my favorite sport now, and I will devote the same fanatic energy to it that I once did to football.
Sure, there's my cat at home I've loved and cared for for years, but this cat has eyebrows! New favorite! Also, this will now be my new favorite "animal to talk about with friends." Sorry yet again, honey possums! You can be my "Favorite animal to have its spot on my favorite list taken by a cat."
Oh, man, fuck that cat with eyebrows. I don't even want to look at it after seeing this cat. And I guess honey possums lose again.
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.