Welcome to Roommate Confessions, the column where we share the worst stuff you've done to your roommate. If you think you can top these stories, confess your sins at the bottom of this page.

Your Dog Licked My Balls

Hey! You were always a great roomate but your dog was a piece of shit. It shed everywhere and chewed up my nintendo 64 and Xbox and you didn't do a damn thing about it. Your dog also loves to lick things, especially your face. So to get you back I spread peanut butter all over my balls and let your dog lick it off. It felt good. You came home shortly after and your dog gave you a big wet kiss. I hope my balls taste good!- Anonymous

My roommates were all out of town the night of my New Years party a couple years ago. I never got along well with this one girl I lived with, so when two of my friends started hooking up on the couch, I let them use her room for the rest of the night. She'll never know that two guys she's never met had sex on her bed. - snowleopardprincess

I put bleach in your ridiculously expensive Matrix shampoo. And you wondered why your hair looked funny and then threw the whole (brand new) 32oz bottle away! Ha! And guess what? I'm gonna do it again to the new one you're buying tomorrow. Take that bitch.- Corie

I was pissed because you were always leaving huge messes in the kitchen, so one day, I used your tweezers on my pubes and didn't wash them.- fakingsanity

hey man thanks for the wonderful semester i mean it was really special i loved how you never left the room to for any reason not even to brush your teeth or to eat for that matter because you sit and play WOW rather than enjoying college and having a life, i especially liked how you would never take showers, walk in on me and my girlfriend having sex (during the brief moments you actually left the room) and leaver you bottles filled with tobacco spit, sunflower seeds and whatever you spit out from brushing your teeth all over our room. it always smelled so wonderful with that shit festering all over our room and my girlfriend just loves coming over to a room that smells of fucking vomit. Now with that said as a little going away gift i took the privilege of having sex on your dirtyass bed and cumming on that blanket your girlfriend gave you, as well as taking my semen and putting in everyplace conceivable but mostly stuff you'll insert into your mouth and/or ingest at some point during the next few weeks. that'll teach you to talk shit and call the cops on me for smoking pot you douche- Anonymous

To my roommate: Remember that weekend you went out of town to serve a few days in jail for a DUI? Remember how about two weeks before you left you and I had started a prank war and I had never really got you back? Well while you were sleeping on a hard mattress in the slammer, I was sleeping in your bed slamming a girl I met at a party. Yes, she was on her period, and yes I ejaculated on those warm flannel sheets you have yet to wash. Oh what a prank war, you might think you won, but inside I know I am the true winner…- Anonymous

remember when everyone would kid about me and your mom, saying we'd be a good match up,because she would always try and hang out outside when you would have people over beer pongin and shit well im tired of you not getting it, after you f*cked my girl it took like 4 months, but finally i got your mommy drunk and definatly received oral sex while leaning on the railing and grill outside, you will know who you are when i say this, your moms tazmanian devil tattoo on her left tit! bitch, dont fuck with my shit- Anonymous

this was a while ago…. '95… but the confessions page got me remembering…. anyway, i lived in a suite with 9 other dudes and we shared a kitchen and a bathroom. halfway through the semester, one of our suite mates got busted for dealing and we picked up a new loser. i don't remember his name, only his nickname 'chore-boy'. that knucklehead ate all the food in the fridge like he owned it. we talked to chore-boy about it repeatedly to no avail… so one day winslow (one of the suite mates) opens my door and tells me chore boy is cooking some ramen on the stove, and that he pissed in the pot while it was cooking. so i went in and pissed a little, and two other dudes from the suite pissed in it. we probably doubled the volume of total liquid in the pot (and we pissed all over the stove trying to cut it off mid stream), but chore-boy failed to notice the change. so he comes back in a few minutes later, oblivious to the stink of piss in the air, and proceeds to eat the freaking top ramen. i had to leave the suite when that idiot started drinking the broth. i don't think chore boy ever realized what we did….- Anonymous

We really did put dog shit in your bong…and watched you smoke from it 10 minutes later.- Anonymous

Remember when I proposed to you and got you a sweet $1500 dollar ring? Well after you started acting like a cunt all the time, hitting me in the face when we'd fight, and just acting like a little 14 year old bitch in general I have a confession. One night after I was finishing up rubbing one out to my Brazzers account (Ya you also acted like a 14 y/o in bed which forced me to pay 35 a month for porn) I was searching for a place to "unload". On my desk was an almost empty box of sour patch kids, it was a good enough place for me. Two days later you came over and immediately picked up the box and asked for the last few sour patch kids. I didn't stop you. - Anonymous

remember when you would throw out your used condoms in the kitchen trash can? and how, most of the time, they would be precariously placed on top of all the garbage.. just so they'd fall out and I'd have to put gloves on and shove them back in the bag? well, dick, I used your pillow as an accessory while having sex (its versatility was infinite!), and shaved my pubes with your razor. serves you right you hipster douche.- Anonymous

Hey you. The psychotic, bug-eyed, racist homophobe who never looks anyone in the face. Yeah. You. Remember when you ate with me and my friends, one of whom is of African ancestry? Remember your hate-filled rant about other races, especially n***ers less than 48 hours later? Remember your rants about gays wanting to marry? Remember your boasting about hunting down f*gs and beating the hell out of them? Well, guess what. Your very temporary room-mate IS one. So, for the last month we lived together, every single day, I'd rub my dick on your toothbrush. If you were being a reasonable facsimile of a human being that day, I'd wait until after my shower. But I gotta tell you, most days it was before the shower. And some of the people we both know, know all about it. Have any of them mentioned it to you?- Anonymous