Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
15 Things We Can Learn About Humanity From Google Autocomplete
June 20, 2013
We struggle with big questions of love and identity in the age of technology and also we think we might have a gluten allergy.
Our two major priorities in gathering information: romance and fruit ripeness.
And diabetes. Hmm. Must've eaten too much ripe fruit.
Americans are fat and ignorant.
For less important things like rapping and dating, you don't need to search for the "best" way. "A good way" will do.
And for cat feeding questions, "an okay way" will be just fine. Cats don't give a fuck. "Hey, I'm going to give cat food to my dog, wait for the dog to poop, and then let the cat do what it wants with the dog's poop. Is this an okay way to feed my cat?" "Yes." -Cats
I'm not sure what the most badass way to erase a CD is, but I do know that the first step is
to google it.
As improbable as it may sound, every human has the exact same top three dream jobs.
We go on the internet a lot when we're bored. Also, bored people never entertain themselves by brushing up on their grammar.
Here we go, the big questions.
You know how you just assume that when people grow up, they stop asking the stupid, annoying questions they used to ask their parents? Turns out they've just been asking Google instead.
The worst thing that could happen to us is getting shot OR crying OR falling in love.
We may be sad and confused and lonely, but at least a lot of us don't sweat that much. So that one goes in the ol' plus column.
We must remove the harmful social stigma from humping our pillows while fingering ourselves and talking to ourselves about it! Because clearly everyone is doing all those things probably all at once!
No one ever knows when Jewish holidays are.
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.