While there's no shortage of Kirk-Spock and Rizzoli-Isles slash fic on the Internet, it's surprisingly hard to find fan fiction that pairs up characters from two different sitcoms. I set out to matchmake 10 such couples, a task that combines three of my favorite things: television, romance, and sticking my nose in other people's business.
I mean, this one's a no-brainer. Joey and Alex are both hot, dumb food-lovers. Just imagine how bonkers these two idiot firecrackers would be in the bedroom. They'd probably incorporate meatball subs and baby back ribs into their tender lovemaking.
These two finicky, tightly-wound bros would have the time of their lives sitting sidesaddle on their twin high horses as they ride to an opera or a foreign film. Meanwhile, Kevin and Cam could finally relax and be themselves and eat brownies without the harsh glare of judgment upon them.
Tendency to get caught up in their own internal monologues? Check. Childlike, vulnerable naivité? Check. Deep understanding of the importance of same-sex friendships? Check. Appreciation for whimsy in all forms? CHECK.
Could there BE a more obviously great couple? They both use comedy as a defense mechanism. Chandler has a steady job, unlike most of Liz Lemon's past beaux. And Liz Lemon might have her flaws, but at least she's not a psychotic, abusive shrew. AHEM MONICA.
Two dreamers trying to make it in the entertainment industry: one, a woman in need of the excitement and romance an impulsive young crooner could provide; the other, a man craving the unconventional love and unquestioning faith in him a nurturing mother figure would deliver. They fit together perfectly, puzzle pieces silently and permanently locking into position.
Duh, right? These two shining stars are probably sick of being put down by their blando friends and long to find someone who shares their passion for dance, fashion, and made-up words. Also, they're both Jewish and they both mask their deep insecurity with over-confidence. Relationships have been built on less.
Like the salty and sweet flavors of a fig-stuffed olive, the subtle complements of this couple may not be immediately obvious. Ultimately, these two work together because of their faults: Elaine will be too busy with her own selfish concerns to care that Jez is kind of a stupid dick, and her fiery pragmatism (read: light violence) will keep his grander delusions in check. If you need further proof of the perfection of this match, mute this video and play the audio from this one in the background. You're welcome.
Okay, HEAR ME OUT. She doesn't mind a balding older guy (remember when she dated Bruce Willis); he digs a blonde babe who's sophisticated and stylish. They both enjoy high society and spending a lot of time in coffeeshops. While Frasier is a more sensitive beau than Rachel's jilted fiance Barry, he's less sensitive than whiny old Ross. And finally, Frasier is basically a kinder, chubbier version of Rachel's mean doctor father, so she'll be attracted to him in her unconscious search for the paternal approval she never had. BOOM.
Archer needs a powerful woman who won't put up with his casual sexism; Robin needs a guy who has his own life and won't try to get all sentimental on her. They can travel the world, drink scotch, and be cynical together. And if any couple can make the whole animated/live-action thing work in the bedroom, it's these two.
It's all too easy to imagine a situation where these distinguished gentlemen of letters are forced to be literal bedfellows and end up enjoying it more than either one lets on. Think of all the fun they'd have stalking Jeff Winger together, and dressing in ladies costumes for "reasons". Yes, true love means that you never have to blue yourself. Because someone else will do it for you.