Welcome to Rough Love, the column where we share your craziest, funniest, most embarrassing dating related stories. If you think you can top this batch of rough loving, submit your story at the bottom of this page.

Girls Arent Cows

I had an ex-boyfriend who though girls lactated constantly. No, we are not cows.- Anonymous

My now ex girlfriend would always tell me she would always be honest with me… About a week after we broke up she handed me a typed 3 page paper on things we would do in bed that she didn't like (including a lot of things she swore she did like) and stuff she wished we had done more. And yet she still wonders why I don't trust anything she tells me anymore.- Anonymous

When we were going out, my ex-boyfriend always felt the need to inform me whenever he needed to take a dump. He would tell me everything about how relieved he felt afterward. That also includes sharing his pain at being constipated after having surgery and exactly how it felt as the stools were passing through his rectum 4 days later.- Anonymous

I got into this friends with benefits thing with a good friend of mine but she stressed that she wanted to stay friends and didn't want to have a relationship or whatsoever. I was extremely cool with that. After a few weeks of messing around she started commenting on my clothes and demanded that I wore others. Then she forbade me to look at other girls. And if that wasn't worse enough she made me watch the twilight movies. The day after that I found het in a club with another guy, I didn't really care and just waited what would happen. The next day she got cross with me because I wasn't angry about the whole situation. This was about two weeks ago. Nevertheless I didn't care and life went on but i just ignored her a little bit more Yesterday she told me she wanted to stop things because I was seeing this whole thing too much as a 'romantic relationship'. I think she might be mentally ill….- Anonymous

So me and my girlfriend went to a drive-in movie one night and after about an hour into it we realized just how much the movie sucked and started making out. Im typically not down for PDA but the place wasnt that crowded and we were pretty well concealed in her car, so whatever. The movie ends and since we had just recently started dating we were'nt really ready to leave so we decide to stay and make out through the credits. I got a little frisky and rolled on top of her, when all of a sudden, I felt a disturbance in the force. Doom was approaching…in the form of an elderly lady. An enthusiastic "HELLO!!" echoed throughout the lot, stopping me and my girlfriend mid-session. Turns out the elderly lady and her elderly friend were having some car trouble and needed a jump. I lended my services, all the while shaking with embarrassment, and me and my girlfriend went home, laughing all the way ha ha ha. Then a thought occured…we went to see a double feature of horrible bosses and bad teacher, two fairly raunchy movies with a lot of f***s and c***s…WHY THE HELL WERE TWO OLD LADIES WATCHING THAT TOGETHER???????- Anonymous

One weekend me and my girlfriend were supposed to have hours of alone time at her house. Almost immediately after getting there her parents came home early to drop off some stuff before they went back out. I spent the next couple hours under a blanket in her closet while her little brother snuck me rice krispies and capri suns- Anonymous

I had the most disgusting fat bitch of a girlfriend once. Jesus Christ, why did I even get with her at all? This one time I farted while we were lying in bed together and I shoved her head under the covers, just to gross her out. She was pretty grossed out, I laughed and I thought that would be the end of it. It wasn't that bad of a fart. It was one of those airy ones. Not a lot of stink to it. Then, I see her making a face of absolute concentration. She was turning red. Then, she let out this sputtering fart and forced my head under the covers with that mannish, meaty arm of hers. The smell was unbearable. The sewage-like stench mixed with her post-coital vaginal stink and I fought desperately to try and get back out of the sauna of horrible flavors she had created. Then I noticed that a little spray of shit had been spat out onto the mattress- Anonymous

My ex girlfriend once asked me when Cinco de Mayo was…. hence… "ex"- Anonymous

My ex-girlfriend never let me finish in her mouth because it was "yucky". So of course I had to "accidently" do just that to see what she did. When I do it I act all surprised like I didnt know how it happened, and when she tried to kiss me right afterwards I turn away. She asked me "Why aren't you going to kiss me?" So naturally I responded, "Because it tastes yucky." Paybacks a bitch, man up and swallow.- Anonymous