Magnetic awareness ribbons are the most popular form of slacktivism since those damn silicone bracelets. For as little as $1.99, you can show your support for any number of worthy causes from cancer research to the Fighting Unicorn's youth soccer team. With such a broad range of commendable charities and confusing color relationships, I have summarized countless hours of research into a handy guide to help you choose the ribbon that is right for your car.

YELLOW – Deployed Soldiers
This is the "Livestrong" of the awareness ribbons. Although the yellow ribbon has had ties to the military since the early 1900s, it gained popularity during the Iran Hostage Crisis and the Persian Gulf War when yellow ribbons were tied around trees. Now that trees are few and far between, Americans have been forced to display their support on a more abundant resource… cars.

May be found… right next to a W04 bumper sticker.

The red ribbon was first popularized during the 1991 Tony Awards when it was worn on the lapel as a symbol of solidarity for people living with HIV/AIDS. The red ribbon is also an anti-drug symbol and representative of a second place finish. Which is ironic because AIDS is primarily transmitted through drug use and second-class citizens. If Kramer doesn't have to wear the ribbon, neither do you.

May be found… on Magic Johnson's car.

PINK – Breast Cancer
Much like Carlos Mencia's jokes, this was a blatant rip off. After the popularity of the AIDS ribbon campaign, pink ribbons were handed out to the cancer survivors who were running in a Race for a Cure event. I don't know about you, but I support breasts and any cause that wants to save them.

May be found… on almost any car belonging to a middle-aged woman.

RAINBOW – Butt Sex
And I'm not talking about hetero butt sex between two consenting adults, either. What did the rainbow ever do to be adopted as the symbol for gayness? Tim Hardaway won't go outside after it rains. I can't even eat Lucky Charms anymore because I'm afraid I'll become attracted to the leprechaun. Apparently, brown was already taken. Fags.

May be found… on a really nice car, because — let's face it — a proud gay is a rich gay.

GREEN – Legalization of Marijuana

Nothing says "Pull me over and perform a full body cavity search" than a Support Legalization ribbon. But hey, why support the nearly impossible goal of curing cancer when legalized marijuana is just a democratic president away? Although an "Obama in '08" sticker would be a little less conspicuous.

May be found… on each and every college campus across the US and Canada.


Finally, a cause upon which we can all agree!

May be found… on a custom 1974 Cadillac Eldorado.